I Follow Rivers
by labelleno
Summary: Bella is just another sixteen-year-old girl searching for her identity. Coming from a broken family and living in the world of contemporary teenagers obsessed with pornographic images and violence, she explores the boundaries between simple pleasures and true love. AH, OOC, M for l
1. Chapter 1 - I Follow Rivers

**_Disclaimer:_** Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Some scenes are taken from/based on scenes from the movie "Clip"

**A/N: **This story started as a O/S Entry for Public Lovin' Fanfiction Contest. Props to TwilightMom505, HollettLA, Jenny, BelleDean and Mel from ProjectTeamBeta, and to lovely TiramiSue for pre-reading.

**Warning:** Explicit. If you find teens going wild, experimenting with drugs and sex, simply killing their time and wasting their youth emotionally disturbing, this story might not be for you.

* * *

**_What is love but the strangest of feelings?_**

**_A sin you swallow for the rest of your life?_**

**_You've been looking for someone to believe in_**

**_To love you until your eyes run dry_**

Wire To Wire by Razorlight

* * *

The party at Emmett's house is in full swing. Drinks and drugs are splayed all over the place. The air is smoky, the music loud.

I'm dancing like I've never danced before, completely immersed in melody and loud electronic beats. My eyes are closed; my body is moving in rhythm, the strands of my hair falling over my face. My skirt is golden and shorter than the one I wore yesterday; my top is miniature and blue, my boots high heeled, white, hugging my legs all the way up to my knees.

I feel racy, kind of wanton, like I am a siren. I am not. I want to be, only for him.

_Oh, I beg you, can I follow? _

_Oh, I ask you, why not always _

_Be the ocean, where I unravel _

_Be my only, be the water where I'm wading _

_You're my river running high, run deep, run wild_

I catch sight of Edward out of the corner of my eye. He's holding his phone. It's pointed at me.

Oh my God, is he…

I turn to fully face him. He is totally filming me. I can feel the blood gushing through my veins with excitement.

I lick my lips and smile at him, my dance moves growing more provocative. I want to get to him, pull him in. Seduce him. My knees are bending and straightening, my hips moving in rhythm, left and right, back and forth, inviting. My fingers are fully in action, tips touching my lips, brushing over the bare skin above my waistline, playing with my hair. I can almost feel the excitement radiating out of my body, spreading around me in waves, traveling toward him.

_I, I follow, I follow you_

_Deep sea baby, I follow you_

_I, I follow, I follow you_

_Dark room honey, I follow you_

Edward is still filming, biting on his lip while he walks toward me. Yes. It's happening. I finally made him see me the way I always wanted him to see me—desirable, sexy.

He circles around me, wearing the wickedest, sexiest smile I've ever seen. He says something, but I can't hear him. The music is too loud.

_Dark room honey, I follow you…_

_I, I follow, I follow you_

He leans closer. "Come with me?"

I nod. I don't ask where. I smile so big; I have a feeling the corners of my lips are nearing my ears. He leads up the stairway. I follow.

The light in the room is on. There's a huge bed, the wardrobe, a whole bunch of posters on the walls featuring naked girls, and Emmett standing with his back to us, his body hunched over the small desk.

"Give us a moment, bro?" Edward asks.

Emmett turns around and grins at me. He sniffles and rubs his nose. "Sure, man. Want me to leave you a line?"

Edward shakes his head no. He points his phone toward my face.

"Why are you filming me?" I ask.

He shrugs and pushes the other hand in his pocket. His lips are pursed, his eyes trained on the screen. They are piercing blue-green, beautiful aquamarine.

"I don't know," he says. "Guess I really liked the way you danced."

"I'm not dancing now. You're still filming," I say, moving backward until my back comes in contact with the wall. He stands a few feet away from me, keeping a small distance.

"Tell me, Bella." His voice has this buttery, silky tone. It does things to me, good things.

"Tell you what?"

He gazes into my eyes. "What do you want from me?"

"What do you mean? You asked me to come here with you," I say, smiling widely, foolishly.

"So? Why did you come?" He walks toward me nonchalantly, camera still focused on my face.

"Stop it," I say through series of silly chuckles. "I don't like this." I don't even know why I'm saying this. I actually do like it. It's just that him questioning me like this in such relaxed stance, while I'm burning in excitement for this long awaited moment, is a little unnerving.

"What do you like?" he asks.

I'm shifting my weight from one leg to another, my fingers playing with my belt buckle. I want to say I like _him_; I more than like him. I know I love him.

"Fucking," I say boldly.

I don't want to screw this up. I want him, and this is probably the only way to have him. Boys like him don't go for more than sex.

He doesn't look surprised by my statement. Not at all. Good. At least he doesn't think I am some inexperienced child.

"You like to be fucked?" he asks, licking the corner of his lips. I can feel my breathing pick up.

"Yes."

"How?" he rasps out.

"Hard. Fast."

He's biting the side of his lip now. "You like to ride cock?"

"Yes, I guess. I don't like when my boobs bounce," I say stupidly.

Edward chuckles. "Is there something wrong with your tits?"

"No."

"Show me."

I push the nagging feeling of nervousness aside and smile, lifting my top slowly, letting him take a peek at my bra.

"You okay with me filming this?" he asks.

"As long as you keep it for your private collection…."

He cuts me off. "Do I look to you like one of these morons who posts stuff like this on Facebook?"

I shake my head. "I know you don't. I trust you. "

He smirks. "Good. So… what are you doing right now, Bella? Showing me how nice your bra is? "

Edward Cullen wants the show, and I am going to give it to him. I've been crushing hard on him for over a year now without him even noticing me. It's time to show him what he's been missing all this time.

I lift my hand to my mouth and swirl my tongue around two of my fingers before I slowly suck them into my mouth.

"You like to suck?"

I nod, bringing my hand down. I don't bother with my boobs. I'm going straight where it aches: under my skirt, between my legs.

He takes another step closer. "Wow. Tell me what else you like."

"Everything," I say.

I rub myself through my underwear, peeking from behind my heavily-hooded eyelids, searching for his eyes. He takes my hand and slowly pulls it away then plunges his own hand inside my panties.

The feeling of his flesh coming in contact with mine for the very first time makes my legs shake. He has never ever touched me before. Nowhere. Nothing. Not even the arm brush.

His fingers find my clit. He keeps the camera on my face.

"You like this? " He's moving his hand slowly, back and forth.

I'm licking and biting my lips at the same time, trying to bring my breathing under control. I can't even say anything anymore.

"You still didn't tell me what you want from me." His fingers are setting me on fire, rubbing me firmly in circles.

"Fuck me," I breathe.

"What did you say?"

"Fuck me."

"How?" His voice is rough and soft at the same time.

"With your finger. Just push it inside. I want to feel it," I cry softly.

"Ask me nicely," he says, slowing his moves on my clit.

"Please fuck me with your fingers. Hard, please."

He chuckles and pulls his hand back. Then he steps away from me.

"Nice," he says. "You're hot."

Yes, I am. Hot, bothered, dazzled, and confused. Because he turns off his phone and walks out of the room.

Shit. The door was open all the time. I didn't even notice. Luckily Emmett is nowhere in sight.

I squeeze my legs together in an attempt to get some kind of relief and pull down my top, covering my boobs. I still don't understand what just happened.

Edward Cullen did not just leave me hanging like this, did he?

* * *

I don't see him until Monday at school. He is standing with his boys in a parking lot, smoking a cigarette. He doesn't acknowledge me when I pass by them to get to Alice, Rose, and Kate. They are in our usual spot, at the very end of the parking lot, near the woods.

"Hey, what's up, girl?" Kate greets me with a smile.

I shrug. "Not much."

"Guess everything's down then, eh? Including Cullen's dick," Alice says, blowing an enormous bubble out of the probably three pieces of bubble gum she has stuffed inside her mouth.

"Stop being so mean, Alice," Kate scolds her.

"I'm not being mean. I just hate that asshole."

She does. And she's said it a million times so far. I wonder why she thinks Jasper is any better.

"Any news?" Rose asks. I shake my head no.

Kate elbows me and points her chin towards the boys. They're all gathered around Professor Banner's car. "They're out of their fucking minds," she squeaks out and giggles.

Emmett, James and Garrett are scanning the parking lot and the school entrance while Edward and Jasper work on the car tire.

Rosalie snorts. "Are they trying to slash it?"

"I am going to kill Jasper. What the fuck is he even doing hanging with them again?" Alice is being ridiculous. She likes Jasper hanging with seniors when she wants to hang with them herself. But God forbid he does something with them if she is not involved.

I glance back at boys. Edward and Jasper are definitely slashing that tire. I take out my phone. I am totally filming this.

Kate grimaces. "Yeah, go and film that shit. If they see you, say good-bye to your phone. "

Just as they're done and I am about to turn off my phone, Edward looks straight at me.

"Uh-oh. There you go. He's coming here. " Kate grabs Rose and Alice under their arms and drags them away. "I'm sure Bella wants to handle this on her own." She winks at me.

I keep my camera on Edward, trying to look as casual as I can, as he approaches me. His mouth is bent into a snarl as he glares at me. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Filming you," I say with a stupid smile. Suddenly, I am a firm believer in a smile as the best defense weapon. "Guess you're not the only one who likes making videos."

He doesn't look any less pissed. My not so subtle hint at our little encounter at Emmett's party doesn't seem to soften his demeanor.

"Well, I make them with a purpose. What's yours?"

I shrug. "No purpose."

I hope he doesn't think I'd show this to Banner. He wouldn't think I'm that mean or stupid, would he?

He gives me a weird, pointed look, shakes his head and struts toward the woods. I follow.

"You following me?"

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"To take a piss."

Well… I still follow.

"Are you coming to watch?"

"Maybe," I say.

He turns around abruptly, making me collide with his chest. "You know what you're doing, don't you?" he says in a low voice, looking down at me.

Our eyes lock. "I thought you wanted me to go after you," I say.

His eyes travel down to my boobs.

"I kind of felt you wanted me to," I add.

Edward's lip curves upward as he slowly, lazily takes my hand in his. "You felt it, huh?"

Promptly, he presses the palm of my hand against his cock. "How does this feel?" he asks, that wicked smile dancing on his face.

I don't say anything. I get down on my knees to unbutton his pants.

I'm working fast. He is in my mouth in a matter of seconds. The feeling is weird, and I have no idea if I'm doing this right, but I really want to do it. I don't know how it feels for him because he isn't saying anything. He makes no sounds.

I look up, not surprised to see him filming us. He is using my phone this time. When did he even take it from me?

"Enough," he says after what seems like not even a minute. He pulls out, and I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

"But you didn't even…"

"It doesn't matter. Someone's coming," he says as he tucks his still very hard dick back inside his pants. "You should go back, anyway. Your class started already."

"Jesus, Cullen, come on, we don't have time for this shit." James appears out of nowhere. The fact that I'm still down on my knees is not leaving much to James' imagination, but I don't really care.

Edward pushes my phone into my pocket. "Now this is the video you really wanted to have," he says before he walks away.

I touch my lips in slight disbelief. My feelings are so mixed right now. I don't care about what he said. I just really wanted him to feel good.

I skip biology class and spend my time in a bathroom trying to put my thoughts and feelings together. I can't believe what I just did, but it felt kind of amazing having him in my mouth. I'd never do it to anyone else but Edward.

As soon as the bell rings, I rush to find my girls.

They're already at our table in cafeteria. I'm all hyper and giddy, and I can tell they know something has happened. I can see the reflection of my excitement on their faces.

Rosalie's eyes are sparkly while she grins at me; even Alice smiles widely, showing all of her teeth. Kate is bouncing in her seat, tapping the chair next to her almost frantically. "Sit here. Fast, fast, fast… I wanna know everything,"

I throw myself into a chair. I can't stop smiling.

"Spit it out! What happened?" Rosalie says, leaning closer to me.

"I gave him a blow job," I whisper.

"Wow, cool," says Kate.

"And his cock… just wow! All hard and firm with this soft, silky skin…"

"Is he big?" Alice cuts in.

"Um, I guess so. He's long and thick, and the head is so nice, like big, delicious, powder pink candy." I giggle. "Smells good, too."

My girls are giggling with me.

"So you just sucked him off, that's it?" Rose asks.

"Yep."

"How do you think you did?"

"I think I did pretty good. Maybe I could have relaxed my tongue a bit more and also taken him a bit deeper. I was afraid I'd gag."

"Did he say something?"

"No."

"Did he come?"

"Uh, no. We had to leave. I was late for class." Which I didn't attend. Well shit, I'm not telling them about James showing up there.

They don't say anything anymore. They don't have to. I know what they're thinking. They think I am bad at giving head. Whatever.

* * *

It's seven in the evening, and we're at the park near school where seniors usually hang out on school nights. The fact that we're two years younger and unwanted here by most of them doesn't bother us.

"Hey, is Jasper looking at me?" Alice asks. They obviously had a fight today, again.

"Nope," I say, taking a bite of my ham and cheese sandwich. I didn't have a chance to eat anything at home today since I ran into Renee and Phil fucking in the kitchen and lost my appetite. Luckily, I had some money left, so I bought a sandwich on my way here.

"Motherfucker!" Alice curses.

"Hey, at least he isn't ignoring you right after you gave him head," Kate says, looking at me sympathetically.

I love Kate. She is my best friend. She just doesn't seem to know when to keep her thoughts to herself. So I stare at my sandwich, trying not to roll my eyes at her.

"It was just a blow job. No need to make a big deal out of it," Rosalie says. "You okay, Bella?"

"I'm fine. I's not like I expect something to change between us just because I had his dick in my mouth, Kate," I say.

Kate frowns. "Bullshit. He's being a total asshole. Alice was so right about him. I'd rip his balls off if he ignored me like this."

"You know what's funny?" Alice says. "I think Cullen totally wants to fuck you, but he's a pussy."

Kate snickers. "Maybe he can't last more than few seconds. See, I never thought of that."

I roll my eyes. "Shut up! You don't know shit about him."

I lose my appetite for a second time today, so I throw away the remains of my sandwich and look at the group of boys we are here for. They are on the other side of the park. Edward is gesticulating something using his arms and laughing out loud. The boys are laughing with him.

"Look at him. He is so gorgeous." I sigh.

Rosalie kicks me in the arm. "Let's go there!"

She doesn't have to say it twice.

"Oh, lookie who's here!" Emmett shouts out as we approach.

"Aren't kids supposed to be in bed already?" Jasper says mockingly, earning himself a murderous glare from Alice.

"Really? I didn't hear you calling me a kid last time you ate my pussy," she spits.

Emmett snorts. "Why, Alice, your boy obviously comes from a nice family. They taught him not to talk with his mouth full." He taps Jasper's back.

"Tell us, Jazz, what's her pussy taste like?" James grins creepily.

Alice winks at him. "Wanna lick and see for yourself?"

Jaspers glares at her. "Shut the fuck up, Alice!"

Everyone's laughing. Edward is the only one not looking amused, at all. He lights a cigarette and looks around the park. I can't make myself look away from him. Looking him up and down, I notice his fly is open. A snicker skips my mouth as I take out my phone and snap the picture.

"What the fuck?" Edward looks down his crotch. He lifts his eyes to mine, and I can see a tiny sparkle in there as he launches toward me. "Give me that!"

I run. He chases me through the park. As he gets closer, I pick up an empty beer bottle I find near one of the benches. I throw it, not aiming right at him, but close enough. I can't stop laughing.

"You're fucking crazy!" he yells, and then chuckles. The bottle didn't break, so he picks it up and aims at me. I scream, "No, Cullen, stop!" He drops the bottle and grabs my arm.

"Give me that phone!" he orders. His eyes are dancing on my face, sparkling mischievously. Trying hard to stop laughing and catch my breath, I hand him the phone and lift my arm in surrender.

He keeps my other arm in a tight grip while going through my phone. "Let's see… There it is. Delete!" He grins at me. "Let's see the videos now." He finds the video of him slashing Banner's tire and deletes that too.

Then the other video comes on, and soft sounds of sucking and slurping reach my ears. It's really embarrassing, but I can't help taking a peek at the phone. I see myself looking up at him while sucking on the tip of his cock.

The blood rushes to my cheeks, and the air around me suddenly feels hot and humid. Edward's eyes are focused on the screen, his mouth slightly open as he lets go of my arm and proceeds to palm his dick over his jeans.

His gaze shifts from the phone to my face, and I take a few steps backward, because the way he is looking at me right now is nothing like the way he looked at me before. For the first time, I think I see how passion, hunger, and lust look and feel like. They're all combined right there in his eyes, burning holes all over my body. It's a little scary, and it's overwhelming.

I turn around and walk toward the nearby parking garage. This time Edward follows.

Once we're inside, I find it difficult to turn around and face him. I've wanted this for so long, and now it's happening. We're finally going to fuck—there's no doubt about it. So I calm my nerves and turn around, my eyes meeting his chest.

"It's on," he says, handing me the phone. I point the camera in his face, finally daring myself to look in his eyes. They are as dark as the place around us, still hungry, still praying. I lift my arm toward him and lightly brush his abs through his shirt. I can feel his hard muscles flex as my eyes travel from the phone screen up to his face.

He grabs my hips and spins me around quickly, his mouth landing on the side of my neck. The rush of adrenaline overtakes me as he sucks hard, right below my ear, pushing me toward the wall in front of us. I tilt my head to the side, offering, wanting to give, desperately needing to take.

The sound of my phone hitting the hard concrete floor as I press my palms against the rough surface of the wall doesn't even sound real. I'm arching my back and grinding my ass against his hardened cock. His hand is between my legs, firmly massaging over my jeans, and it feels like I'm on my way to heaven.

I already know that this is going to be incomparable to any of the pathetic "love making" sessions I had with Jake—the asshole who actually pretended to love me.

Edward is not wasting any time. He unbuttons my jeans roughly and pulls them down together with my panties, his mouth never leaving my neck. I can hear his zipper open and I'm dying in anticipation knowing I'm about to finally have him inside me. No matter how fast he moves, it's not fast enough. His breathing is hard and ragged as he pulls on my hips, lifting my ass up higher. His fingers are spreading my butt cheeks, and I feel the cool air hitting the most heated part of my body. God, I am going to fall apart as soon as I feel him there.

Edward cups my pussy and slides a finger inside me.

My breathing is embarrassingly heavy, my moans low and raspy. I am squeezing my vaginal muscles around his finger like I want to keep it captive in there, until I feel the warm, silky skin of his cock against the cooled flesh of my bare thigh. I want him inside me so badly.

I grab Edward's hand and pull it away from me, trying to get ahold of his dick behind me so I can lead it inside me. He slaps my hands away, grabs them and brings them back against the wall.

"So fucking desperate," he breathes into my ear. "Are you always this eager for a fuck?" he asks as I feel the tip of his cock right there where I need him.

He enters me slowly, and then fucks me fast and mercilessly hard. He is more than filling me, deliciously stretching me to my limits, as I meet him thrust for thrust. The sound of his pelvis smacking against my ass is echoing through the garage with our moans and groans, and I know, if there's anyone in this building, they can hear us.

I don't care. Let them hear; let them know. I'm getting fucked by Edward Cullen, and I could easily shout it from the rooftops. It feels so good, I could cry.

He stops thrusting and grinds against me, his hips moving in circular motion, his cock completely buried deep inside me. One of his hands is on my clit as the other moves under my bra, reaching for my nipple, twisting, pulling.

It's too much. I am going to come.

I am losing control over my voice. I know I'm shouting, and it's loud, but it feels like it's not me. I'm not that person getting fucked in a public place. I am completely somewhere else—floating above, with clouds and rainbows. It's warm and cozy and I want to stay here with him forever.

Before I'm half way down from my high, Edward is gone. I am alone, and the air around me feels much cooler than just minutes ago. Somehow, it's not as dark in here as it was. The wall in front of me looks much brighter—way too freaking bright.

I turn my head slowly, and I'm hit by a strong light. I blink and cover my eyes with my forearm. It's not until someone steps on the accelerator and I see the car drive away that I realize my bare ass was just caught in freaking headlights.

Landing back to reality couldn't possibly get more bizarre. I snort as I pull my panties and jeans back up and grab my phone. Luckily, it's still working.

I run back to the park. Edward is nowhere to be seen, just like I expected. It doesn't matter. Sooner or later, he'll realize we're made for each other. I know he will. All I need to do for now is keep him coming back for more.

* * *

_**Just wanted to be myself**_  
_**Hey, you said that you would love to try some**_  
_**Hey, you said you would love to die some **_  
_**In the middle of a worm on a fish hook **_  
_**You're the wave, you're the wave, you're the wave**_

_**Swallowed followed, heavy about everything but my love  
Swallowed sorrowed, I'm with everyone and yet not**_

Swallowed, Bush

* * *

**End Note:** This is the the first time I shared anything I've written and so far I am really having fun doing this. English is not my first language so it's a bit of a challenge, but I enjoy challenges because they help me learn, and grow.

If you are interested in more about these characters, I will probably start posting chapters soon after the Christmas holidays.

Thank you for taking your time to read my little story.

**Music**: 'I Follow Rivers' by Lykke Li. (Bella dances to this version: watch?v=t_ZR8rW8k24 ), Wire To Wire by Razorlight, Swallowed by Bush

**Rec: A Quiet Fire by Magnolia822**


	2. Chapter 2 - She Wolf

**Disclaimer: **Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:** Big thank you to ProjectTeamBeta's Ange de l'aube, NinaQ, and Audra! All mistakes are mine.

**Warning: **My characters should never be regarded as role models. If you are underage, you shouldn't be reading this story. If you're reading it anyway, I hope you know alcohol, drugs, vandalism and sex with no protection are bad for you.

**Music:** She Wolf (Falling To Pieces) - David Guetta ft. Sia , Bad Girls - M.I.A. Sooner or Later- Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**Chapter 2 – She Wolf**

_**I want a normal life**_

_**Just like a new born child**_

_**I am a lover hater**_

_**I am an instigator**_

_**You are an oversight**_

_**Don't try to compromise**_

_**I'll learn to love to hate it**_

_**I am not integrated**_

Sooner or Later, Breaking Benjamin

* * *

"Bella," I hear Renee shout from the hallway, as I am awakened by obnoxious knocking at my door.

She bursts into my room and glares at me. "Someone's here to see you."

I am confused by both my mother's resentful expression, and the fact that I have a visitor. My friends hardly ever come to my house.

Seems like this could be someone Renee really hates. I can think of only two people with tendency to trigger that sentiment in my mother, and there's no way in hell one of them would come here. My father's second wife, Sue, would rather die than set foot inside this house, and she would most probably cut off Charlie's balls for just thinking about coming here.

I roll my eyes and get up lazily. I don't really care who it is. Why can't they just let me sleep?

I venture toward the kitchen and feel my eyes widen in surprise when I see Seth standing there.

Completely baffled, I look at Renee. "What is he doing here?"

"No idea," Renee says and heads for the door. She still has this scolding look on her face, like it's my fault he's here.

"I'm going to pick up Phil," she mutters irritably and disappears through the door.

I look at my eight-year-old half-brother skeptically. Seth has never been to our house before. Sue would never let him come here.

"Why are you here?" I ask as he takes a seat.

"You never come to visit anymore," he says accusingly. He looks hurt.

"I'm busy."

I don't know what else to say. I haven't been to Charlie's house for few months now. I'm not a little girl anymore and weekends with my estranged father and his family are something I don't need to endure any longer.

"Look, Seth… I'll stop by next month," I lie. "I'm calling Charlie to come and get you now. You're not supposed to be wandering around like this by yourself."

Seth jumps off the chair. "No! Don't call him! They think I'm at my friend's house." His face is scrunched up in a sudden panic.

I briefly wonder if I lied to my parents like this when I was eight. No, I didn't. I was busy comforting Renee while being equally broken myself, because Charlie had left us for this kid, and his mother. I know it's not Seth's fault, but he just constantly reminds me of my father's betrayal. I've always felt less worthy in his presence. I always wondered why Charlie had chosen him over me.

"Go home, Seth," I say.

"You promise you'll visit?" he asks hopefully, his eyes big and watery.

"I promise," I say, shaking off the little thread of guilt wrapping around my heart.

"Good. I miss you, you know," he says sniffling.

Ugh, can this kid make me feel any worse?

"Okay, bye now," I wave him off and head toward the kitchen counter to grab some coffee Renee has left there.

"You know, Jake is an idiot," I hear him mutter from the doorway, "You are so much better than Leah."

I clench my fists and curse quietly. Fucking Jake and Leah. Will people ever stop talking about those two, and just let me forget?

Seth finally leaves and I sigh in relief. I hope he never comes back again.

I swallow my coffee, hoping the caffeine's stimulant effects would keep me alert, so I can concentrate on studying for the biology exam I have on Monday.

No such luck.

No matter how hard I try, I can't stay focused. My thoughts are constantly going back to Edward.

It's been four days since our parking garage encounter, and he's been ignoring me ever since. Not that he ever paid me any attention before, but I thought things would change at least a little since we had sex.

Obviously, he wants to keep it a one-time thing.

He just doesn't get it. We are so much more than that.

* * *

I rush down the street, determined to escape the rain. One small drop lands on my nose, and I curse under my breath, knowing I'll need to run if I want to make it to Brandon's house before it gets heavy. The wind is picking up and now I'm cold too.

I look down at my bare legs, peeking out of my black faux suede leather boots and let out a laugh. I should probably be scolding myself for not choosing warmer clothes and bringing the umbrella, instead of laughing like an idiot.

Luckily, the rain doesn't get heavy by the time I reach the house, so I'm not entirely wet, and my hair has not turned into a complete disaster.

Mrs. Brandon opens the door and rushes me straight into Alice's room.

"They're waiting for you, sweetie," she says, the ever-present smile stretching her lips into two thin lines.

"Jesus… Finally! What the hell took you so long?" Alice runs toward me and grabs my backpack. She pulls it off my shoulder before she slams the door in her mother's overly friendly face.

"Where the fuck did you go girl? Port Angeles?" Rosalie asks, jumping off the bed.

I giggle. My girls are definitely happy to see me. Well, me and those two bottles of gin I have in my backpack.

"You have tonic?" I ask Alice. She shakes her head no.

Rosalie opens the bottle and takes a swig, her expression not changing one bit. It's like she's drinking water. Alice follows suit and finally hands the bottle to me. I shrug and take it. I prefer gin and tonic, but I can do straight up. I've done it before. I take few gulps and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, passing the bottle back to Rose while trying hard to keep my face straight. She gives me a once over while Alice fumbles with the music system.

"You look fuck hot," Rose says, obviously appreciating my sexy boots, tight mini skirt, and barely existent top. "Planning on some action tonight?"

"I wish," I say, smiling sheepishly, feeling the warmth spreading through me.

Alice snorts. "You should be careful what you wish for."

"I think Bella is totally in love," Rosalie says smiling.

The sound of Alicia Keys' new song fills the room, and Alice starts singing and dancing, spinning in circles, whipping her long, dark hair back and forth.

Rosalie elbows me. "He just called me. He'll be there," she says in a low voice, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Who'll be there?" Alice asks. She always hears everything.

"Who do you think?" Rosalie snickers, proceeding to open another bottle. I slap her hand. "Hey, leave it alone. We're taking that with us!"

"Oh My God, will you ever just stop it with the Cullen freak?" Alice asks, irritated.

I grin at her. "I love him." There. I said it. Who cares if gin makes me say shit like this? It's true.

Alice gawks at me. "What the fuck do you love? Seriously, Bella! I mean, what's there to love?"

"Shut up, Alice! I love him and he is going to be mine," I say in a sing-song voice.

Rosalie shakes her head, her smile widening. Alice grimaces in disgust and goes back to singing and dancing. She has a horrible singing voice.

"Please, turn that shit off! Let's just go," Rosalie says.

"Hey, I thought you loved Alicia Keys?" Alice whines.

"This song is shit. She sounds like Lady Gaga," Rosalie says and marches across the room to turn off the music, "C'mon, we don't want to get there late."

* * *

Eclipse is a small nightclub with poor air-conditioning and miniature dance floor, but the atmosphere is always great because alcohol is cheap, the DJ is awesome and faces are familiar. We reach it by foot in about three minutes.

We are regulars here. The security guy at the door knows us and lets us in without checking our IDs. He knows those are fakes anyway.

As soon as we are in, my senses are overtaken by loud music and the mingling crowd.

_Live fast, die young_

_Bad girls do it well_

My eyes travel from the bar counter to all the dark corners, scanning, searching.

He's not here yet.

"I'm going to dance," I say to Rose. Alice has disappeared somewhere already, most likely looking for Jasper.

Just as I start moving to the rhythm, I notice Jasper a bit far to my left, dancing with Leah. And what is he… Oh my God, is he licking her shoulder?

Before I have time to blink, Alice is pushing past me.

She launches herself at Leah and grabs her by the hair. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, you stupid slut?!" Alice screams furiously.

"Bitch fight, bitch fight," someone chants behind me.

"Stab the bitch! I saw her fuck him!" James yells. He stands right behind me, laughing like an idiot. Luckily Jasper is already between Leah and Alice, holding both Alice's arms, dragging her away.

"Stop being a pussy and let the bitches fight, man!" James yells. I turn around to tell him to shut up but someone beats me to it.

Edward. He is standing right next to James.

I stare at him. I can't help it. He doesn't look at me.

"Hey," I say.

He glances at me and greets me with a nod, then leaves to stand behind one of the tall, round tables, where a waitress has just left two bottles of beer.

I turn to see where Alice is. She's arguing with Jasper. Leah is nowhere to be seen. Good. I hope she left.

Rosalie shows up waving with our bottle of gin. "C'mon, let's dance," she says.

"Jesus, Rose, what's wrong with you? You need to hide that," I say glancing around us.

She huffs and marches towards Edward to leave the bottle with him. He smiles and shakes his head, but takes the bottle. I can see that he and James are joined by Emmett, Angela and Jessica.

"I can't believe these two brown-nosers are even here. Seriously, I've never seen them anywhere else but in school, playing who kisses ass more effectively." Rose says as we dance.

I can't be bothered by Angela and Jessica. I'm busy working my hips in circles, purposely taking the spot where I know Edward can see my behind. I know my butt looks pretty spectacular wrapped up in that tight orange mini skirt, and I know I am a good dancer. At least my friends say so. Not that I ever took classes, but watching music videos and practicing in front of the mirror can work miracles. I peek over my shoulder every now and then.

Edward doesn't give me the time of day. He is laughing at something Angela is saying.

I'm perplexed. I've never heard Angela say anything remotely funny.

Just as I stop dancing, highly annoyed and ready to get a drink, Alice comes back accompanied by Kate and two guys I've never seen before.

"Where's Jasper?" Rosalie asks her.

"Do I look like I give a fuck? I told him he can keep fucking that whore as far as I'm concerned. He told me nothing happened between them, like I am a fucking idiot… like I didn't just catch him sucking face with her. He can go fuck himself!" Alice spits, not sounding at all like she doesn't give a fuck.

"Hey, wassup," Kate mumbles in between hiccups, hugging me. She is completely trashed. "Where's that gin Alice was talking about?"

I tell her there's no more gin. There's no way she can handle any more alcohol.

"We're going to La Push with Royce and Riley. Want to come with us?" Alice asks me and Rose.

"Who the hell are Royce and Riley?" I ask.

"I'm in," Rosalie says.

"I'm not. I'll stay here with Kate. I don't think she should go anywhere," I say.

"Okay, we'll be back," Alice promises as they follow the guys toward the exit.

I help Kate into one of the booths and get her a glass of water.

Then I walk straight toward Edward. Angela and Jessica are not with him anymore. Good. I put on the best sexy smile I can come up with.

"Looking for your booze?" Edward asks. His jaw is tensed and he looks kind of annoyed.

"Um, yes," I say, losing the smile.

"Kate is completely trashed. Someone should take her home," he says.

"I know. I wasn't planning on sharing that gin with her," I say. "And I can't take her home. I don't have a car."

"Of course you don't," he says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You are like… How old are you, fifteen?"

I look at him in disbelief, trying my best to wipe the look of hurt and confusion off my face.

"I'm sixteen and a half. You knew that, right? I mean, you knew when you… when we…" I trail off.

He smirks and shakes his head, looking around the dance floor, avoiding my gaze. "You girls shouldn't be doing stuff you can't handle."

"I can handle mine fine, thanks," I say.

His eyes snap to my face, and then travel down, dancing all over me. My pulse picks up instantly. For a second there, the side of his lip curves upward just slightly, and I think I can see a small twinkle in his eye.

"Want to go for a smoke?" he asks.

I turn around to check on Kate. Garrett is with her. She should be fine.

I smile and nod.

Emmett joins us as we walk out to the secluded place in a small alley near the club. He digs the rolled up joint out of the inside pocket of his jacket, lights it, and passes it to Edward who takes a drag and hands it to me.

"Hey, want to join the after party later on?" Emmett asks me.

"What after party?" I ask, inhaling the smoke deeply.

"When they close here, we're going to…"

"We're not going anywhere," Edward cuts in, his eyes shooting daggers at Emmett for some reason.

"Never mind," I say shrugging, giving Emmett a small smile, "I can't go anyway. I'm sleeping at Alice's tonight so I have to wait for her to come back."

"Too bad," Emmett says ignoring Edward's stare, "You look like fun!"

"Thanks. Maybe some other time," I say.

I search Edward's face, trying to figure out what his problem is, and why did he even invite me out for a smoke, but he turns away from me and heads toward the club.

"Let's go," he says over his shoulder.

When we get back inside we're greeted by the not so pretty image of Kate throwing up all over the booth I left her in. Garrett holds her hair and looks at us, his face scrunched into a grimace. Luckily, he is sober enough, and says he'll take her home.

I sigh in relief, my eyes darting to Edward's. I catch him watching me, but he quickly averts his gaze and struts away, disappearing into the crowd.

I want to follow him. But I don't. Because this time, he doesn't want me to. That much is more than fucking clear.

I sigh in disappointment and turn to see Emmett still standing next to me, wide grin on his face.

"Another drink?" he asks.

It's not like I have anything else to do.

An hour later, Edward is still nowhere to be found, and Alice and Rose are still not back.

Emmett is dancing with me. It's hot, I am sweaty and slightly dizzy, and my hair is a mess.

"Don't you just love this song?" Emmett asks, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Um-huh," I mumble out drunkenly.

"David Guetta is a fucking king of clubin'," he says.

I giggle while glancing over the crowd.

Suddenly I feel like I am going to vomit.

Edward stands in the middle of the dance floor, beer bottle in one hand, cigarette in other, while Leah grinds her ass against his crotch. I thought the bitch had left after Alice had attacked her.

I can't stop staring as he brushes his fingers over her arm and says something into her ear.

She smiles. He smirks.

I cannot… Not her, just not her… I can't take it.

_I can't compete with a she wolf who has brought me to my knees_

_What do you see in those yellow eyes?_

_Cause I'm falling to pieces_

_I'm falling to pieces_

_I'm falling to pieces_

Fuck this song. Fuck this moment. Fuck this day. Fuck this.

Emmett throws his arm around my shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of here."

I follow him into his car where he rolls another joint. He tells me jokes while we smoke, obviously trying to make me laugh, but the pot just makes me feel worse.

"I hate that bitch," I can't help saying out loud.

"Isn't she like your cousin, or something?" Emmett asks.

"No, she's not."

I can't keep talking about her. I can't stay here anymore. I thank God when I see Alice and Rose get out of someone's car.

"I have to go. I'll see you around," I say to Emmett.

All I want is to go sleep and pretend today never happened.

* * *

"So, did something happen?"

It's eleven in the morning and we're eating breakfast at Alice's house. I've slept for a few hours but I still feel stoned. It's just Alice, Rose and me. Mrs. Brandon went grocery shopping.

"Nothing, we just talked," I lie, chewing at my cereal, wondering if milk is going to make me throw up. I should have asked Alice for eggs with bacon.

"How were things with Royce and Riley?" I ask.

"Great!" Rosalie's eyes gleam as she giggles and looks at Alice. "We didn't do them, but we did coke."

Alice nods and adds excitedly, "It's a kick ass feeling, Bella! Crazy good! I can totally understand how people get addicted to that shit."

"That good, huh? Is that why I'm the only one here with a shity hangover?" I shake my head. "I hate you! I can't believe you did it without me!"

"Well, you could have been there too, but you wanted to stay and see if you could get Cullen to fuck you! Tough luck, baby," Alice says.

"I did not try to get him to fuck me," I say defensively.

Rose looks at me and quirks an eyebrow.

"So what?" I sigh in defeat. There's no point in pretending. They know how I feel about him.

"How about I put a word in for you?" Rose asks sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

Rosalie is friends with Edward, kind of. Not that they hang a lot together or talk to each other much, but their families are business associates and go way back.

I glare at her. Does she really think I'm not capable of getting a guy to have sex with me?

"Just kidding," she says rolling her eyes.

Alice is done with breakfast and checking her twitter. Rosalie peeks at her timeline.

"Oh my God, are you seriously following her?" She grimaces and looks at me. "She's checking Leah's tweets."

"Can't blame her," I say frowning.

Leah is Forks' biggest slut, and she doesn't hide it. She fucks everything with a dick and tweets about it. She is also the first person Jake dated after we broke up.

Jake and I dated for few months, and then parted ways when I repeatedly refused to give him a blow job. We did have sex though. He was my first. But I couldn't bring myself to blow him. I couldn't really tell if I was scared or disgusted by the idea of having a cock in my mouth… I just knew I couldn't do it. Now I know it was about the person I wanted to do it with. I did it to Edward with no hesitation.

I'll never forget the day after Jake and I broke up, when that asshole actually tweeted, – _Swan can't suck cock for shit. _

His next tweet was, – _Leah is a fucking Goddess._

I don't even want to remember how my timeline looked after that. Needless to say, I deleted both, my Facebook and my Twitter account. Unfortunately, that didn't help me get away from the embarrassment and harassment I had to endure every day in school, for months.

I move closer to Alice, so I can see the screen, and I ask, "Did he fuck her?"

Alice shakes her head and smiles a little. "Nope, looks like he didn't."

"Oh my God!" Rosalie squeaks, and then snorts at Leah's tweet.

_So exhausted. The boy can go all night long. Guess size doesn't really matter after all._

I let out a laugh, feeling relieved. She definitely wasn't with Edward.

"I bet she fucked James. I heard his cock is the size of a peanut," Rosalie says and bursts out laughing.

"I still can't believe Jasper danced with that dirty slut," Alice says bitterly.

"Hey, watch your mouth! You're talking about Bella's sister," Rosalie says giving me a quick glance, before she averts her gaze back to the computer screen.

"She's not my fucking sister, and you're not funny," I lash out, glaring at her.

She shakes her head. "Man, I still can't believe Sue made Charlie adopt her."

"Shut the fuck up Rosalie. Really, just shut up!" I don't want to hear about my father and his screwed-up family.

"You're such a bitch sometimes, Rose. You know how Bella feels about that," Alice scolds her.

"How should I know when she never talks about it?" Rose says shrugging, then lifts her hands up in defense and stands up, asking Alice for more orange juice.

Alice points to the fridge. "What's the plan for tonight?" she asks, changing the subject.

Rosalie takes few big gulps from the juice box and wipes her mouth with her forearm. "It's Tanya's birthday," she says and grins, "I got us invited."

"Jesus, Rose, can't you use your cup?" Alice asks rolling her eyes. "You can finish that juice now! I'm not into sharing germs with you," she adds irritably.

Rosalie shrugs and shakes her head, her blond curls bouncing. "You had no problem yesterday when we shared that bottle of gin."

"That's alcohol, Rosalie. Alcohol kills germs."

Rosalie smiles mischievously. "Remember last month when you stuck your tongue in my mouth? You were shitfaced, but…"

"Ugh! Okay, okay..." Alice cuts her off and sighs. "So, about that party tonight… Can Jasper come?"

Jasper is a junior. Tanya is a senior. Mostly, juniors don't get invited to senior's parties. But we all know Jasper is an exception.

"You know he's friends with Edward and Emmett. Of course he can come," Rose says.

"Well he's not friends with Tanya," Alice points out.

"No, but Tanya has the hots for both, Edward and Emmett. She doesn't mind if they bring friends."

"How did we get to go?" I ask Rosalie, playing with the last one of my fruit loops, pushing it around the cereal bowl with the spoon. .

She cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow. Right. Stupid question, I guess. Of course she asked Edward to get us invited.

"You can thank me later," she says and winks.

I glance at my watch and decide it's time to go home. "I have to go kiss Renee's ass for a while if I want to make it to another party," I say as I stand up and make my way to Alice's room to grab my backpack.

"Didn't you bring a change of clothes?" Alice asks looking me up and down.

I am still wearing yesterday's outfit.

Rosalie chuckles. "Only you can walk around like this on Saturday morning. You look like you've been working the streets all night long, girl!"

I huff. "Whatever." I love Rose, but today she's not my favorite person.

"Be here around seven," she shouts after me, as I head for the door, "And don't forget to change your clothes!"

I give her a middle finger before making my exit.

I come home to find my mother passed out on the living room sofa with an empty bottle of wine. The house is in complete chaos. It looks like there were a lot of people here last night. Rene is still dressed up in her party dress.

I sigh. Like mother, like daughter, I guess.

I take a quick shower and crawl naked under my sheets. Sleeping is the best way to regain my strength for another party. I am going to need a lot of energy for tonight.

Because tonight, Edward Cullen is going to be mine.

* * *

_**You're like an infantile**_

_**I knew it all the while**_

_**You sit and try to play me**_

_**Just like you see on TV**_

Sooner or Later, Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**A/N **Since we don't get to know what's happening in Edward's head, I decided to give little hints in song lyrics at the beginning and/or at the end of each chapter. I've got that idea from the story, _How to Save a Life._

Hope you liked the chapter. Let me know what you think.

XXX

**Rec: Firefly in Summer by primarycolors**


	3. Chapter 3 - Nature of The Beast

Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:** ProjectTeamBeta, I love you, guys! Big Thank You to BelleDuJour, bigblueboat, and Mel for their help with the chapter, and to TiramiSue for pre-reading. All mistakes are mine.

**Warning**: My characters should never be regarded as role models. If you are underage, you shouldn't be reading this story. If you're reading it anyway, I hope you know alcohol, drugs, vandalism and sex with no protection are bad for you.

**Music:** "Nature of The Beast"- My Darkest Days, "Little Bit" - Lykke Li, "Topless" - Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 – Nature of The Beast**

_**Fruit on the vine**_

_**You get yours and I get mine**_

_**Meat on your bones**_

_**They won't know**_

_**They won't know**_

"Topless" - Breaking Benjamin

* * *

I dream of Edward. Or is it just the image of him? He hovers above me like a ghost, yet he feels so real. I can feel his cool, frosty breath touching my lips, traveling down my neck. His breath is an Arctic wind, strong and violent, reaching my chest, spreading over my limbs. It penetrates my skin and curves around my bones.

I feel my muscles contract as I wake up, shaking, shivering. I've never had a dream so strange.

I wonder if a dream can give you a mild hypothermia.

I sit up and look down at my naked body, completely uncovered, exposed to the cool air accumulated in my room. A hiss leaves my mouth as I get up and rush toward the window, almost falling over the blanket that lies on the floor right next to the bed. I can't believe I left the window wide open.

Surprisingly, despite being frozen like an icicle, I feel fresh and new. Like I wasn't completely wasted last night.

I quickly throw on some clothes and check the time. Three more hours until the get-together at Alice's.

After brushing my teeth, I settle down at my desk and pull my biology textbook out of the drawer.

My grades have been spiraling downward lately, and it's getting really annoying to be constantly told how disappointing that is. My homeroom teacher never misses the chance to remind me how I used to be a top-of-the class student during my freshman year. Whatever.

I try to focus.

_Meiosis, a type of nuclear division, occurs only in reproductive cells and results in a diploid cell (having two sets of chromosomes) giving rise to four haploid cells (having a single set of chromosomes)…_

Two minutes into it and I'm done. So done, wasting my time reading the same sentence over and over with no comprehension whatsoever. I throw the stupid textbook back into the drawer.

"Fuck this shit," I curse out loud.

I hit the shuffle on my iPod, volume to the maximum, and strip down to my underwear.

_Edward_.

He's always there, in the back of my mind. I think of his beautiful eyes and full lips curved into that sexy smirk… and his gorgeous body, and strong hands. I think of the way he gripped on my hips and how he felt inside me. The way he fucked me, hard and fast.

_And for you I keep my legs apart_

_And forget about my tainted heart_

_And I will never ever be the first_

_To say it _

I praise my iPod for picking the right song at the right time. Blended with my current thoughts, the beat is lethally sexy.

The need to touch myself is crazy intense and undeniable. I sprawl across the bed, moving my hand down, fast. Just one touch through my tiny, silky panties instantly clouds my mind. My eyes close and I let the image of Edward's handsome face dance under my eyelids. I remember the way he looked at me that day in the park, all hungry and needy.

I want him to look at me like that again.

Suddenly, the idea pushes its way through my clouded head, right into the axis of my mind. And it's brilliantly clear and logical! I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

_I would do it_

_Push a button, pull a trigger_

_Climb a mountain, jump off a cliff_

_'Cause you know, baby_

_I love you, love you a little bit_

Biting my lip in excitement, I roll onto my belly and grab my phone from the nightstand. I prop two pillows up against the headboard and lean back against them, my fingers already busy between my legs, pulling my panties to the side.

I rub my clit softly, sensually at first. I want it to look good on screen. I rub it in circles adding more and more pressure. My breathing speeds up, as I glide my fingers down my wet folds, and push one inside, moaning. I slide it in and out a few times, and then get back to rubbing my clit.

I rub up and down harder, giving it an occasional tap until I feel my clit throbbing. I tap on it harder, faster…

_Little bit, little bit_

_Little bit, little bit_

_Little bit_

I am so wet. Oh fuck, I'm so close. I feel like throwing the damn phone away so I can stick my fingers inside, while I keep working on my clit.

And then I wince and jump off the bed like my ass has just caught fire because the stupid phone is ringing, right there between my legs.

Jesus. The damn thing is barely a few inches away from my pussy, and for a moment, there's this ridiculous feeling that a person on the other side of the line can see me fingering myself.

"What?" I answer, struggling to steel my breath.

It's Kate. She wants to know when and where to meet for the party. I tell her to come to Alice's at seven, hoping we'll end the conversation here so I can go back to my business.

"What are you wearing?" she asks.

Huh? Is she kidding?

"Why, want to have a phone sex?"

"No, silly, I mean for the party," Kate says with the giggle.

I hope she doesn't think I've just seriously asked her to have phone sex with me. I clear my throat. "I don't know. I think I'll go with all white… probably leggings and a halter top. Why?"

"Thought I'd sluttify my outfit a little tonight, so I was wondering if I could borrow your golden miniskirt."

Sluttify? Gee thanks, friend. "Sure, I'll bring it to Alice's," I say, "By the way, are you all right? You were like dead yesterday."

Kate sighs. "God, I still can't believe Garrett saw me throw up! That's so freaking embarrassing! Other than that, I'm good, thanks for asking."

"So, you think the miniskirt will make him forget the image of a vomit running down your chin?"

"Ugh, shut up, Bella!"

"See you in a bit," I say and turn off the phone, laughing.

I don't know about Garrett, but I'm definitely turned off by the reminder of my friend's vomiting episode.

I leave my room, happy to find out no one's home. I grab some food and get ready to go.

Once I'm dressed up and done adding my flashy makeup, I text Renee, saying I'm going to study at Kate's.

Unfortunately, just as I'm about to leave, Renee and Phil show up in a doorway. They're both laughing, but my mother's face gets serious the instant she lays her eyes on me. Her gaze darts from me to the phone she's holding in her hand.

"You aren't dressed up like you're going to study, Bella," she says.

I sigh. "Hi, Mom."

"Why are you dressed like this?"

"Why do you care how I dress?" I frown.

"Maybe your mother doesn't like it when you look like a whore," Phil chimes in. What the hell is his problem?

"Whatever. Bye now," I say, scurrying toward the door.

"Come back here! I'm not done talking to you," Renee barks.

I roll my eyes and turn around. She stands with her arms crossed at her chest, tapping her foot against the floor.

"Tell me where you're really going," she demands.

"I told you, I'm going to study with Kate. What's the fucking problem?" I ask irritably, immediately scolding myself inwardly. I don't usually drop the f-bombs around my mother.

Phil takes a step toward me and points his finger at my chest. "Don't you talk to your mother like that."

Okay. Now I'm really pissed. "Who the hell are you to tell me how to talk?" I ask. "And don't you point your stupid finger at me!"

He has no right to lecture me. He's just seven years older than me, and I'll never see him as anything but my mother's little boyfriend.

"Does it matter who the hell I am?! I care about your mother, and I hate to see her only daughter looking and acting like a slut!" he yells.

"Phil… just stop it, please. It's all right," Renee says.

"Fuck you, asshole!" I shoot back, looking him straight in the eyes.

Renee's eyes widen in shock. "Shut the fuck up, Bella!"

No way am I shutting up now. No way is this asshole going to use words like "slut" and "whore" when referring to me.

So I yell back at my mother, "No! You shut up! Why do you let your boyfriend treat me like trash?"

"Me? Are you seriously blaming me? If you don't like people treating you like trash, why don't you stop acting like it?"

I can't believe she just said that.

"Well, fuck you too!"

As soon as I say it, and before I manage to turn around and disappear through the door, I feel a hot sting on my cheek as the palm of Phil's hand collides with my face.

"No!" Renee screams.

I rub my cheek in shock and disbelief, the tears instantly blurring my vision. I feel Renee's hand on my arm, but I push it away, ignoring her frantic apologies and mindless excuses she uses to defend him. Him! She is actually defending him.

I don't want to hear it. I don't even want to look at her, or him.

I get out, slamming the door behind me, and run toward Alice's house.

The sting of unshed tears burns my mind, but I push them back even harder_. _

_I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry_, I chant.

Fuck them both! They are not worth my tears. A small part of me wants to go back there and do something about it. Like break all of Renee's dishes against that bastard's head. Or call the cops and report him. But I know that either way, I'll just get Social Services involved and maybe end up living with Charlie.

I'd rather die than live with Sue and Leah.

And that means there's nothing I can do. For a moment, a small seed of hope peeks out from the back of my mind. Maybe Renee will realize Phil has crossed the line to the point of no return, and she'll end things with him.

But deep down in my lonely, abandoned heart, I know my hope has no chance.

* * *

"Anyone want some blow? I'm into sharing tonight," Emmett announces.

We're at Tanya's house. I pushed aside all the thoughts of what happened at home, determined not to let it spoil my evening. Earlier at Alice's house, I almost had a melt down and had to escape to the bathroom for a moment, so the girls wouldn't see me all teary.

"Where's Tanya? I didn't wish her a happy birthday," I say, giggling.

"Me neither. Who cares?" Emmett says.

Rosalie nudges me with her elbow. "Let's go, Bella! You said you wanted to try."

We follow Emmett into the kitchen. He takes the small amount of deadly white powder out of a tiny, see- through bag, and cuts up three lines on the top of the kitchen counter.

"You first," he says, handing me a rolled up hundred dollar bill.

"Isn't snorting coke through a rolled-up Franklin like totally cliché?" I ask.

"Just shut up and do it hard and fast. You don't want it stuck in your nostril," Rose says.

"What, are you a pro already?" I ask, feeling a little nervous. I've heard some people get addicted after doing it just once. I quickly convince myself it won't happen to me.

I inhale sharply and grimace, not liking the burning feeling in my nose.

"How does it feel?" Rose asks.

"I don't know," I say, shrugging. "I feel nothing."

Emmett and Rose give each other a knowing look. He smirks. She grins. They take their lines, and Emmett immediately cuts up another three.

"One more?" he offers.

I take it. This time I feel my nose and throat going a little numb.

"Ugh, this is different. First one didn't feel like this," I say.

Emmett laughs. "What you feel now is probably the first one starting to work."

"Uh, okay," I say. "I'll just go now."

I'm on my way out of the kitchen because suddenly, I don't see a point in staying in one place longer than really necessary.

"Hey," Emmett shouts after me. He throws something my way, and I catch it. I look at the miniature see-through plastic bag filled with a small amount of white powder and raise my eyebrow.

"Just in case you want some more for later," he says and winks.

Stashing the package in my purse, I go back into living room. I already feel so much better than I felt just minutes ago. Actually, I don't remember ever feeling this good.

I scan the living room area quickly like a hawk, my eyes landing on Edward in a matter of seconds. He's with Leah again. They're sitting on the floor, Indian style. He has his back pressed to the wall. She's facing him, her knees touching his. What is she even doing here? Did she come with Edward?

I want to pull on her stupid hair, like Alice did, and drag her away from him. She can go and fuck Jake, or James, or whomever the fuck she wants. Hell, she can keep my father to herself, forever. I don't care.

But there's no way I am going to let her get Edward. No way in hell!

I lean with my back against the wall and cross my arms over my chest, determined not to take my eyes off him.

I want him to look at me.

I stare, intensely, until his eyes finally meet mine.

I stare harder. Everything I have in me is poured into the way my eyes bore into his deep stormy blue-green. The need, the want, the silent order – _Get away from her and choose me. You know I am the one you really want! _I watch every little detail of his expression, searching for any sign, any hint, anything my hopeful, frenzied, desperate desire can hold on to.

Edward takes a sip from his beer bottle, stands up, and walks to a nearby sofa, his eyes never straying from mine. A tangle of bronze falls over his forehead, as he takes a seat and tilts his head to the side slightly. He raises an eyebrow and offers me his notorious smirk.

Yes, please and thank you. I lick my lips.

Leah stays there on the floor with her mouth open.

_That's right, bitch. Stay down._

I feel strong and in control. I totally own this game.

Armed by my new-found bravery, I venture toward Edward and slowly lower myself onto the sofa next to him. The courage I feel right now is not just fairly solid. It's powerful and selfish, careless about anything or anyone around me.

All I see is him. And all that matters is my desire for him.

I lean closer and rest my hand on Edward's thigh. Smiling, I let my gaze dance on his face, moving back and forth between his eyes and his mouth. His smirk grows.

One of my hands travels up his thigh, while I use the other to dig the phone out of my mini-purse. Resting my head on his shoulder, I reach for his cock and lift the phone to his eye level.

"I made this one for you," I whisper, letting my hot breath touch his ear. "How do I look?"

He stares at the screen where my fingers play with my pussy. I feel him swell and harden in my hand.

His tongue darts out and traces his lower lip for a second, and I want to touch it with mine and suck it inside my mouth.

Edward takes a deep breath then lets it out in a slow, long growl. "You do realize there's like thirty people who can see what you are doing right now, don't you?"

I don't answer. Instead, I grip his cock harder and cross my legs in desperate need for some pressure, right there where the ache is the lustiest.

"You're high," he says. "Coke-brave and stupid. I could fuck you right here, right now, in front of everyone. Trust me, I have no shame. But you'll regret it the same moment you come down."

Of all the words that just left his mouth, I grasp at those few that my body desperately demands. _Fuck you right here, right now. _That's all I hear. That's all I want.

"Follow me into the bathroom," I say as I stand up, throwing my phone into his lap.

I take a bottle of vodka I spot right next to the sofa and drink some on my way. The bathroom is occupied so I wait until the red headed, drunken senior girl comes out and then make my way in.

Edward doesn't disappoint. He comes in right after me and locks the door. He grabs the vodka from my hand and takes a swig, using the other hand to unbutton his pants.

"Take your top off and get down on your knees," he says as he strokes himself.

I'm on my knees in a split second, looking straight at his cock.

I stick my tongue out, reaching for the tip, but Edward takes a step backward, chuckling lowly.

"No," he says, "Just play with your tits."

I lick my fingers and move them gently over my nipples before I give them a light pinch.

"Harder," he says.

I pinch hard. The reaction between my legs is immediate, and my hand goes straight for my pussy.

"Don't you fucking touch it!" he barks. "Lift them up."

I lift my hands up in surrender, giving him a confused look.

"Your tits! I want you to grab your tits and lift them up," he sounds impatient as he strokes his cock faster.

Jesus. I really am rendered completely fucking stupid when around him. Literally. It's official now.

I look down and place my hands underneath my boobs. Lifting them up, like he asked me to, I look into his eyes. They're focused somewhere in between my boobs and his cock.

He strokes himself faster and faster.

"Move them up and down!" he says.

I shake up and down a few times, smirking. Suddenly, I'm not self-conscious about my boobs anymore. If Edward likes to see them bounce, I like it too. I move them faster, up and down, left and right, my eyes glued to his face.

His jaw is clenched, his eyebrows furrowed. He looks angry, frustrated, wild.

"Fuck," he curses as his cum hits one of my nipples.

I lick my lips, watching the spurts of thick, white fluid come out of his cock.

Watching Edward come is the most fascinating thing ever. The most arousing visual moment I've witnessed in my young life. Oh God, why didn't I record this?

Once he's done, it takes him a few seconds to wipe himself with toilet paper and tuck his cock back into his pants.

He passes me some paper to clean myself and offers me a hand to stand up.

"Let's go," he says.

"No," I say. No way is he leaving me high and dry after this.

I sit on the edge of the bathtub and take off my leggings and panties. Looking straight in his eyes, I spread my legs wide.

"What are you doing?" Edward asks, a small smile playing on his face.

"Touching myself," I say. I lick my fingers and bring my hand down where I need him.

"Well, I'm out of here. Want me to leave the door open?" he says, that amused smile never leaving his face.

His words hit hard and cut deep. I can't take it.

"You really are an asshole, aren't you?" I bring my legs together, feeling my eyes narrowing, blazing.

"You know what? You don't even deserve what I'm willing to give you!" I stand up and turn my back to him, quickly pulling my leggings back on.

I hear him chuckle, and I want to yell at him. But then he says, "I was just kidding."

What? Did he really just say that? I turn around and give him a suspicious look.

And then I see it. It's in his eyes. That same passion I saw that day in the park.

Part of me almost wants to tell him to go away for playing me like this, but the other, much bigger part is on its knees, aching for him, begging to burn in his flame.

"You want me to make you feel really good?" he asks in a low, sultry voice, his gaze dancing around my body.

I swallow. And I nod.

"Then put your clothes on, and let's go."

I'm getting dressed really fast, probably looking ridiculous and beyond desperate, but who cares.

* * *

Edward leads me out of the house and into his car. I settle into the comfortable seat and listen to the engine roar as he turns on the ignition and speeds up toward the main road.

He doesn't talk, so I keep quiet as well. I watch his long fingers shift from the gear stick to the stereo and back while his other hand grips the steering wheel tightly.

Everything about this moment is mind-blowingly exciting. The way I feel about him. The anticipation of what's coming. The way he drives, fast and furious. The violent music beat that blasts through the car speakers.

My heart flutters wildly, and I grasp the sides of the seat beneath me.

_I love your face, just get away_

_I'm on my knees_

_Fuck you fuck me_

Breaking Benjamin. I love it. Even his music choice is so fucking sexy.

Soon we stop in what looks like a driveway. It's so dark out there; I can hardly see the house.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"My place," he says. "Want to meet my parents?"

My eyes widen in disbelief, and he laughs loudly.

"Just kidding. They're not here," he says.

Very funny. I shake my head and follow him inside the house. Edward doesn't turn the lights on. He leads me into the darkness, illuminating the way with his phone.

"Why are we walking in the dark?" I ask.

"The generator died this afternoon for some reason. I didn't bother trying to fix it since I wasn't planning on coming home tonight. Thought I'd leave it to my dad. He gets home tomorrow," he says.

He takes me to what looks like some kind of a small store-room where he looks for something.

"Here," he says and snickers as he finally finds it. "Esme's Advent candles. She'll probably kill me for lighting those."

"Who's Esme?" I ask.

"My step-mother."

"Where's your real mother?" I blurt out as we walk toward the stairway.

Edward turns around and looks at me. "For someone who doesn't talk much, you sure know how to ask shitty questions."

"I'm sorry," I say quickly. Jesus, I'm such a moron.

Edward takes me to what I assume is his room. He places the candles on his desk and lights them up.

I look around. The candles illuminate the desk and the huge bed to the right. The rest of the room is in shadows, but I can see it's spacious.

Not knowing what to say or do next, I dig into my purse and take out that coke Emmett gave me.

"Want some?" I ask him, holding the small package between my fingers.

He gives me a dark, puzzled look and cocks his head to the side. "Do _you_ want some?" he asks.

I nod. "Sure, why not."

"When was the last time you had a line?" he asks.

I look at him, confused. "I don't know. An hour ago, I think."

He narrows his eyes and snatches the bag out of my hand. I'm already slapping myself inwardly for taking that shit out of my purse. There's this frown on his face, and for a moment, I'm thinking he's going to go and throw it away.

But he turns toward his desk, cuts up two lines, and proceeds to take one.

I sigh in relief. I decide to surprise him some more, so I quickly take off my clothes, leaving my underwear on.

He turns around and takes me in, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"I swear I've never met anyone as eager to get fucked as you are," he says as he sniffles and rubs his nose.

I want to tell him it's just him I'm eager for, but again, I don't say anything. I just grin at him, approaching the desk. I look around, trying to locate something I can use to inhale the coke.

"Do you have…" My voice trails off when I feel Edward's hand on my ass.

He quickly moves it down between my legs and pulls my underwear to the side. I take in a sharp breath as one of his fingers touches me right where I'm slick and ready.

His touch is soft and teasing, light like a feather.

"Do you need something?" he asks, slowly pushing his finger inside me and then pulling it out in an even slower motion.

"Y…yes," I stutter, gripping on the edge of the desk tightly.

"I want you to fuck yourself on my finger, and I'll give you what you need," he says in my ear. "Do it nice and slow."

"Shit," I curse.

"Move."

I move on his finger, slowly just like he asked me to, feeling heavenly good, but hellishly tortured at the same time, wondering how is that even possible.

He presses on my lower back making me stop the movement and slides another finger in.

"You're so sexy," he says into my ear, and I moan.

He fingers me hard and fast, and I am done. I already feel the orgasm overtaking my leg muscles.

"I like the way your pussy tightens around my fingers," he says, his voice deep and smoky.

"Here…" He passes me a rolled-up piece of paper, pulling his fingers out of me.

Edward gives me time to inhale the line and then slaps my ass lightly.

"Get on the bed, on your knees and elbows."

I do it with a smile on my face and no hesitation. I spread my legs as wide as they go and arch my back, bringing my ass up high, making sure he gets a good view.

"I'm filming this," he says while taking his clothes off. "Touch yourself."

I peek between my legs, watching him stroke himself behind me.

"I love your cock," I say, smiling wide. I can't help myself.

"Really?" He sounds amused. "Can I put it in your ass?"

"Do it," I say. I'd take him anywhere.

"Ever done that before?"

I shake my head no.

He uses his spit as lube and slowly pushes one finger inside.

"Keep touching yourself," he says, adding some more spit.

I gasp. The feeling of his hot saliva and his finger invading my ass is something completely new. It feels strange, yet exciting.

"You okay? Does it hurt?"

"It just feels weird. Keep going."

He does. He adds another finger. "Just stay relaxed like this. You still okay?"

"I'm good." I really am.

Edward slides his fingers in and out, twisting, moving in all possible directions inside me. Left and right, up and down, in circles, in and out.

"Rub your clit harder," he says as he spits some more where his fingers penetrate me.

I rub up and down, adding more pressure, feeling his third finger pushing against my back entrance.

"Your ass loosens up so nice and easy," Edward says. "Does it hurt now?"

I shake my head.

"I think you're ready for my cock."

I expect the pain. I know it has to hurt a little bit. I've read enough online porn to know that. But surprisingly, it doesn't hurt at all. I just feel a little burn and an enormous pressure in there. Looks like I'm one of the lucky few.

Edward slides his cock in and out slowly at first, and I wonder if it's possible to have an orgasm like this. It feels wrong and unnatural, but it's crazy intense and oddly pleasurable at the same time.

"You like it when I fuck your ass?" Edward asks through gritted teeth, still going slowly.

"Oh my God, yes," I hear myself saying.

"You know, I can go on like this for a very long time when I'm high. Do you think you can take that?"

"Yesss," I hiss.

"Fuck." He speeds up the thrusts, slaps my hand away from my pussy and starts rubbing my clit in circles.

Edward keeps fucking, and I keep hissing and moaning until I feel the drops of his sweat fall on my back. I growl like some kind of animal, completely out of control.

"Fuck," I curse and growl again. He is so deep in my ass, and it feels so awfully, alarmingly good. I am on the verge of screaming like a lunatic.

"Yes, let it out! Fucking scream! Fuck. So goddamn good," he says, panting.

The orgasm he gives me is the most intense thing I've ever felt. Words can hardly describe it. It's like I'm shattered in pieces and boiled down to exist for this one moment, this one fuck.

Edward snarls as he comes inside me.

"Jesus. Fuck," he curses under his ragged breath.

"Oh my God, what was that!?" I ask breathlessly, my voice weak and shaky, as he slowly pulls out.

"I told you I'll make you feel really good," Edward says, fully succeeding at sounding cocky while hardly catching his breath.

"This was so much more than just really good," I say, still trying to catch my breath.

Edward collapses onto bed. He lies next to me, looking at his phone, smiling. "I'll have this one on the repeat, that's for sure. Too bad we didn't have better lighting," he says.

I snicker, imagining Edward alone in the dark, jerking off, watching himself fuck me. I wonder if he makes these videos just so he can masturbate while watching them. I wonder how many videos of other girls he has and which one is his favorite.

"It's the blow," he says, breaking my silly thoughts.

"What?"

"You said it was much more than just good. It's because of the cocaine. Be careful, don't get hooked."

He gets up, takes one of the candles, and disappears into what I assume is the bathroom.

He is so wrong. How can he not know? It's not the stupid white powder that makes us good together. It's simply us. We're just right for each other. When is he going to realize?

* * *

_**I'm on my way**_

_**To feel you dislocate**_

_**Safe in your space**_

_**I'm open**_

_**Wide open**_

_**I love your face just get away**_

"Topless" - Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading. I think I'm going to hide now. I'll be back after I'm done freaking out, so please let me know what you think.

**Rec: For the Summer by camoozle**


	4. Chapter 4 - Bad Things

**Disclaimer:** Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:** All mistakes are mine. As always, big thank you to **ProjectTeamBeta**! I want to especially thank **Twilighmom505** for buckling down with me, agreeing to deal with my mess on permanent bases; **Lulu M** for being the best SR beta ever, to **Mel**, and to the most precious pre-reader, **TiramiSue,** who always gives me the most amazing, insightful feedback. ILY guys!

**Warning**: My characters should never be regarded as role models. If you are underage, you shouldn't be reading this story. If you're reading it anyway, I hope you know alcohol, drugs, vandalism and sex with no protection are bad for you.

**Music:** "Tear You Apart" - She Wants Revenge, "Sick and Twisted Affair" - My Darkest Days, "Bad Things" - Jace Everett

* * *

**I Follow Rivers – Chapter 4 Bad Things**

_**I want to hold you close**_

_**Soft breath, beating heart**_

_**As I whisper in your ear**_

_**I want to fucking tear you apart**_

Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

* * *

Sunday sucks. I spend all day at home, mostly sleeping and occasionally staring at my biology textbook. My failed attempts to study are getting ridiculous. I can't memorize a thing. Looking for some help on the net, I find tips that make me roll my eyes.

_Keep a regular schedule. Take breaks. Set realistic goals. Insure that you are sleeping enough, eating well, and getting regular exercise. Meditate an hour daily._

Who does that at my age?

Renee comes to my room again and again, looking all worried and remorseful, apologizing for what happened with Phil, asking if I need anything. She asks if I'm hungry and reminds me to eat my meals, like that's the most important thing in life. As if I'd let myself die of hunger.

Monday comes and it's even worse. I suck at biology exam. My friends are giving me shit for leaving Tanya's party without letting them know. Edward is not at school. I spend my time during class mostly daydreaming and promising myself over and over that I won't touch cocaine again. Never, ever again. That shit is a lie, a delusion. It makes you feel like you're on the top of the world when you're not. It disables you from recognizing a good thing as real. It made Edward think he loved fucking me just because we were high.

I miss the school bus after my last class, and I have to walk home. It takes more than a half hour to reach my house. It's raining heavily, and I don't have an umbrella.

My life sucks, horribly.

Renee greets me at the door. She doesn't ask how school was or why I am soaking wet.

"Charlie called," she says, pouting.

I roll my eyes. "Great. Did you tell him I said hi?"

"Not funny," my mother says. "When you talk to him, please remind him not to call my number ever again, unless someone's dying. No, wait. Not even then."

"I don't get it. Why didn't he call me?" I mutter.

"He said he doesn't have your number."

Ugh. True. I changed my phone number when Jake suddenly decided to be remorseful and couldn't stop calling me to apologize for everything he's done.

"Why didn't you give him my new number?" I ask Renee.

"Me? Why didn't you give him your number?"

I stomp off towards the bathroom with a huff and strip out of my wet clothes. The hot shower warms my skin and relaxes my muscles; the steam opens my lungs, making breathing easier. I wrap myself in a towel. It's amazing how a simple thing like a shower can make a lousy day better.

Refreshed and restored, on the way to my room, I bump into Phil. That definitely makes my day go back to shit. Groaning in frustration, I march away and slam the door behind me. If I knew he was here, I wouldn't be walking around the house half naked.

I hate him. Does he ever go home anymore? It's like he has moved in with us.

"What the fuck is her problem?" he complains loudly.

"What's happening?" Renee shouts from the kitchen.

"I don't know what's up her ass. It's not like I haven't seen her in less than a towel before. Some of her outfits look like fucking underwear."

That motherfucker.

"Calm down, baby. It's the teenage thing. The shitty attitude will go away, eventually. Just ignore her when she acts like this," my mother says.

Her words make me sick. Since when is being angry with someone who hits you a teenage thing? I'd like to see what Renee would do if he slapped _her _across the face.

I wonder when she became so ignorant. Since she met Phil, I guess. It's like she stopped caring about me. She doesn't even ask about school anymore. In fact, I don't remember the last time she went to school for any of the PA meetings or a parent-teacher conferences.

I think about calling Charlie.

He is going to ask why I've been ignoring him for the past few months. And what should I say? I don't want to come to your house anymore because I hate your wife and her daughter is a bitch and I can't believe you've actually adopted her? Or should I tell him I'm angry with him because he sucks at paying alimony so my mother has to depend on assholes like Phil to pay our bills. And yeah, I know she should find a job, but I can't make her do things she doesn't want to do. Charlie knows how Renee is; I don't have to tell him. He just doesn't seem to care. He has his other family to care for. He stopped caring about me a long time ago.

I wonder what he'd say or do if I tell him Phil hit me. Probably nothing, because he's a pussy. — Always was, always will be.

I don't remember much of my early childhood. I do remember the unpaved gravel road near the old house we used to live in before we moved into my grandmother's house, right after she had passed away. I remember playfulness, laughter, and that wonderful feeling when you don't have a single worry in the world.

And love. That unconditional love and adoration I had for my parents. I regarded my father as some perfect creature meant to always stay by my side and love me, take care of me, protect me. I remember feeling safe and loved, happy and content, thinking how that would last forever.

My first reality check came during the summer, right before I turned eight, when Renee informed me that Charlie had found himself a new wife and wouldn't be living with us anymore. She said it during lunch. Just like that, out of the blue, in those exact words. No beating around the bush. No sugar coating. I remember how her cold, unfeeling admission earned her a slap across the face from Charlie and a shocked look of hatred from me.

"You are lying!" I remember shouting and screaming while watching the ashtray flying toward my father, crashing against the wall near his head and falling into hundreds of pieces.

"Tell her, you asshole! Tell your daughter the truth!" Renee yelled like a mad woman. I've never seen her like that before. I waited for Charlie to tell me that my mother had gone crazy and that whatever she'd said was nonsense or some kind of a cruel joke.

But my father said nothing. I'll never forget the image of him, the way he looked in that moment. His face was red, his eyes blazing, but his shoulders were hunched. He looked furious but defeated, completely helpless and weak.

I think that was the moment when I realized my whole world was about to fall apart.

They divorced just few weeks later. Renee got to keep me and the house. Charlie moved to La Push with Sue, her daughter, Leah, and their newborn son, Seth.

During that first year after the divorce, my life consisted of going to school, comforting my broken, hysterical mother and visiting my father and his new family on weekends. Renee had her episodes of rage when she'd scream, shout and curse, calling all men names — calling Sue and saying horrible things to her. Then she had those moments where she'd clutch onto some blue shirt Charlie had left behind, crying like a lost puppy. I remember trying to comfort her, reminding her how she said that men were scum who don't deserve our tears. I remember not really believing those words but knowing they'd make her feel better.

When Renee started seeing another man, I had mixed feelings. I loved seeing her smile again, but I was scared. I didn't want to see her get hurt. I didn't want to get hurt again. The man she was seeing through the years didn't seem bad, but she never stayed with one of them for a long time.

Until she met Phil.

"He is so much fun, Bella. He makes me feel younger. He makes me feel alive again," she'd said.

I never understood why she needed to feel younger. What was wrong with being thirty-eight?

Whatever.

I look for my jeans and shirt. I need to get out of the house.

* * *

I'm at our park, waiting for Rosalie. Knowing everything would still be wet from the rain, I brought a big plastic bag to cover one of the benches for us to sit.

Rose comes with a huge bucket of popcorn. "What's up? Why did you want to meet so early?" she asks.

"I don't know. I was just bored I guess," I say, attacking the popcorn.

She eyes me skeptically. "Really? Anything else you want to talk about?"

"Like what?" I ask, chewing on a mouthful.

Rosalie cocks her head to the side and quirks an eyebrow. "I don't know. Like for example, leaving your friends at the party for a fuck? At least tell me how it was!" She chuckles, and her eyes sparkle. "I heard it's out of this world when you're high."

"It was great," I say. "Kind of intense. He was extra hard and lasted a long time." I am not going to share details this time. She might be grossed out by anal. Besides, it feels too personal.

"Good for you," she says. "To be honest, the party sucked after you left. I didn't tell you today at school because I was pissed at you, but it all ended up turning into a complete disaster."

"What happened?" I ask.

"Sam, Paul, and Jacob crashed the party, drunk as hell. They fucked up a lot of glasses, dishes, and some furniture. And they killed Tanya's budgie."

I gape at her. "What? What's budgie?"

"Her parrot. They made it drink scotch."

"You are joking," I say, completely shocked. I cannot believe this shit.

"Nope. But the bastards are going to get it tonight," she says with a smirk.

"What do you mean?"

She looks at me, her smirk growing, deepening the tiny dimple on her cheek. "Well, you said you were bored. Ready to go on a mission tonight?"

The excitement that overtakes me when I think about the possiblity of doing something really nasty to Jake makes me want to jump. "Oh my God, yes! I want to! I mean, I knew they were idiots, but this — this is just sick! What are we going to do to them?"

"Not sure yet. Edward's working on a plan. He'll let everyone know once they get here."

I wonder why Edward would be planning the revenge for what they did to Tanya. Maybe he's into her. But then again, he fucked me on her birthday, so…

"Is Tanya coming?" I ask.

"No, she is grounded," Rosalie says. "And no, he is not fucking her. They're friends."

I shake my head, letting out a little laugh.

"I'm reading you like an open book, girl," Rosalie says as her eyes travel behind me. She jumps off the bench. "They're here."

I turn around to see Jasper's and Edward's cars pulling into the parking. Alice pokes her head through the window, grinning from ear to ear. "Time to have fun, bitches," she yells.

I follow Rosalie into the parking area, watching Edward get out of his car. He looks at me, and I catch a tiny trace of a smile creep over his lips. My insides melt a little, and I smile back. He makes his way to the back of the car, opens the trunk, takes something out and hands it to Jasper through the window. When I realize it's a knife, I freeze.

"Hey, it's okay, Bella. We're not going to kill anyone," Rosalie says.

"Oh my God, your face is pale." Alice laughs at me from inside the car.

"What else do you have in that trunk, Cullen?" Rosalie asks, walking toward Edward. She looks inside the trunk, her eyes widening. "Holy shit, come see this, Bella! It's full of booze!" She takes out a bottle of gin.

"Put that back," Edward barks.

The corner of Rosalie's lip twitches as she gives him a cynical look. "What the fuck are you going to do with all this, sell it to someone?"

"No, silly! We'll drink it later," Alice says giggling. She is in an oddly good mood, her blue eyes sparkling in excitement.

"That's right. Work first, play later, Hale," Emmett says, coming out of Edward's car, his eyes scanning Rosalie's butt.

"Are you high, Alice?" Rosalie asks, completely ignoring Emmett.

I stand in my place, staring at them before I cast my eyes down to the grass, suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable and sort of self-conscious. My hand is busy wrapping my hair around its finger, twirling away. I push my other hand into my pocket and lift my eyes a little, taking a peek at Edward. He's leaning against the car with his arms and legs crossed, eyes on me. The images of him naked and things we did two nights ago flood my mind, and I quickly look down again. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm shy now all of the sudden?

I shake my head and force myself to look back at him. His gaze is fixed on me, studying. His head is tilted backward, just slightly, his expression dead serious. It's so unnerving; I almost want to ask him to please look away.

Jesus, I need to snap out of it. What happened to my confidence from two days ago? Do I really need drugs to be brave? Fuck, no. Time to compose myself.

I cross my arms in front of my chest and lift my chin, raising my eyebrow, giving him a smirk.

He shakes his head and grimaces. I'd give everything to know what's in his head.

Finally, Kate and Garrett get here. I rush into Jasper's car, following Rosalie while Edward's eyes follow me. Kate and Garrett get into Edward's car, and we're ready to go.

"What are you going to do with that knife?" I ask Jasper while we drive off toward La Push. "Rip up their car tires?"

"And their mother's tires." Jasper snickers.

"Like you did Banner's?" I ask. "What happened with that, by the way?"

"Nothing happened. He knows who did it."

"What do you mean, he knows who did it?"

"I mean exactly what I said. He knows it was us."

"And?" I ask, bemused.

"And what? Nothing. He'll never do anything about it. Period. And I'm not saying any more. I've already said too much."

Hmm, obviously they have something on him.

"Hey, where are you guys planning to go after we're done?" Rosalie asks.

Jasper shrugs. "No idea. Probably back to the park."

"That sucks," Alice says. "It's really freaking cold today."

"We can go to my place. My dad is on a business trip, and my mom works night shift," Rosalie says.

"Great! We're in, right?" Jasper says, looking at Alice. "I'm sure Edward and Emmett will go too."

"We're going. Bella, you in?" Alice asks.

I nod. Of course I'm in.

* * *

I stand in front of Jake's garage with a knife in my hand. It's short, stout and very sharp.

The boys have already done the job on Paul's and Sam's cars. Jacob's car is in the garage so they don't want to bother, saying Jake didn't do any damage in Tanya's house anyway.

But he did do damage. He did it to me. I never had the chance to get back at him. Until now. I want to do this, so I told them Jake never locks the garage, and it'd be easy.

"Just let it go, Bella," Jasper says. "We're just wasting our time here."

"Let her do it," I hear Edward say quietly. I turn around to look at him. He lifts an eyebrow, giving me a daring look.

I look away and take a step forward, gripping the knife tighter. The adrenalin rushes through my veins. I can do this. I walk inside the garage, and in a matter of seconds, I'm pushing the sharp edge of the knife into the back tire. Fuck. There's no way I can make the rubber break. I push harder, clenching my teeth.

The hair on the back of my neck stands up, as I feel someone behind me.

"You have to penetrate it into a sidewall," Edward says in my ear. His voice gives me goose bumps.

"Like this," he says as he covers my hand with his. "It'll make it irreparable."

He stabs into the sidewall and pushes the blade in and out in a sawing motion. The whoosh of air comes out of the tire, as it blows and goes flat, making the car sink a few inches. I'm instantly overwhelmed with a mixture of thrill and guilt. What the hell am I doing here, vandalizing someone's car? Even if that someone is an asshole who totally deserves it.

Edward lets go of me, and I drop the knife to the floor. My hand hurts.

"Want me to do the other three?" Edward asks.

I nod, exhaling the huge gush of air.

"What's up with you?" he asks while working on the second tire. He is fast, moving on to the third one by the time I stutter out, "W-what do you mean?"

"You're different today," he says as the air leaves the third tire.

"I'm not," I say, shaking my head. "I'm just not in my best mood, I guess."

"You miss the high?" he asks.

I frown. "No, I don't miss feeling high. I'm definitely never doing coke again."

Edward finishes the last tire and comes to stand right in front of me. I watch his chest rise and fall before I meet his gaze. His eyes are on my boobs.

"Why? Is there something you regret doing that night?" he asks in a low voice, lifting his hand, brushing his knuckles over my nipple.

"I don't regret doing anything," I say and swallow, feeling my nipple harden under his touch.

Edward inhales sharply and blinks a little, giving my boob a light squeeze, fixing his gaze on mine.

"You're always in the mood for this, aren't you?" he asks as I feel his hand travel fast around to my back, and then down to my ass. He grabs onto my butt cheeks with both hands and lifts me up. He crushes me against Jake's car, jerking his hips forward, grinding his hard erection right against my center. "If not, tell me to stop," he says, panting.

I grind myself up and down his length, reveling in my need to feel him in me once again. I lick my lips and shake my head. "I want you. I mean… I want this," I say, my hand quickly reaching down between us, looking for his zipper.

Edward halts all his moves, takes a deep breath against my neck, and then lets go of me. He steps away, staring at me intensely, his brows knitted together. I want to reach for him, pull him back to me. My breath rushes in and out in small, urgent gasps while I watch Edward suck in his own panting breaths.

"Why do you try so hard, Bella?" he asks.

"Try what?" I am completely, utterly confused.

"Being someone you're not. Getting yourself into shit you eventually won't be able to handle." He runs his hands through his hair as he starts pacing the small area behind Jake's car.

"What?" I smile and shake my head. "If this is about me wanting to screw up Jake's car, trust me, I had a good reason to do that, because…"

Edward stops pacing, shakes his head, and lifts his hand, obviously signaling for me to shut up. "You know what? Forget it. Forget what I said. Let's just go."

"Why," I ask.

"What do you mean why? I'm not fucking you here," he says irritably.

Does that mean he's planning to fuck me somewhere else?

"No, I meant why did you say…"

"I said forget it. Just let it go." Edward grabs my arm and pulls me out of the garage.

My phone starts ringing.

"Turn that shit off," he hisses. "Unless you want your little boyfriend coming out here to see what's going on."

What? I quickly check the number that flashes on the screen before I turn off my phone. It's Charlie. What the fuck? Who gave him my number? Wait. What did Edward just say?

"He's not my boyfriend," I say while we walk away from Jacob's house.

"Whatever. Kate, Garrett, do you mind riding with Jasper?" he says as we reach our friends.

"Sure," Garret says. Kate just looks at me and raises her brow.

I shrug, giving her an innocent smile.

"Emmett, can you drive?" Edward asks, throwing the car keys toward him.

"Sure." Emmett shruggs as he catches the keys. He jumps in the driver's seat while Edward opens the back door for me.

"Move over," he says as I slide in. The devilish smile on his face surprises me and causes a storm in the lower parts of my body as he takes a seat next to me. Talk about mood swings.

As soon as Emmett starts the car, Edward unzips his pants and takes his cock out. That doesn't come as a surprise. I already know he doesn't waste any of his time once he decides he wants something.

At first I want to tell him to stop it because Emmett is here. But I quickly change my mind.

Edward is sitting behind driver's seat, so Emmett cannot see.

Edward pulls on a strand of my hair lightly, bringing my ear to his mouth. "Want to suck it?" he asks, stroking himself twice, slowly.

I look at his cock. My cheeks are burning, my heart pounding against my chest, as I feel myself get wet at the mere sight of his dick. I take him in my hand and run my thumb over his head. His hand grasps my wrist and tugs on it.

"Just suck it," he whispers lowly. "No hands."

I lower my head toward his erection and give it a lick before I take the head into my mouth and suck on it lightly, swirling my tongue around the tip. I suck harder as he slides farther into my mouth. He bucks his hips, instantly pushing it deeper in my throat. I halt all my movements. He holds my head with a tight grip in my hair, and starts fucking my mouth, literally. All my concentration goes into trying to keep quiet and not gag, because, even though the music in the car is pretty loud, I'm still afraid, Emmett will hear.

_You need poison_

_Like it's the only thing that keeps you alive_

That's it. I'm gagging. I am gagging like crazy and I'm going to throw up all over Edward and his car. I grab his hand, digging my nails into his skin. He hisses and lets go of my hair. I rocket myself backward in the seat, struggling to catch my breath.

Edward laughs out loud. I don't think it's funny.

"You're really not very good at this, are you?" he says.

Ugh. So he knows about Jake's tweets. Of course he knows. I want to tell him that Jacob is a liar and that I've never done this to anyone but him, but I don't want to sound like a whiny little girl. Besides, Edward is being an asshole right now, and he doesn't deserve my explanation. So I keep my game on, angle myself toward him and take his dick in my hand. He is still so hard.

"You took me by surprise," I say, smiling. "You could have told me you were going to fuck my mouth," I whisper into his ear.

I am definitely growing bolder than I thought I could be. "Tell me you don't want this," I say as I wrap my fingers around his cock gently but firmly and start stroking him in a slow, steady motion. I'm good at hand jobs. I made Jake come like this every time I refused to blow him.

Edward stays silent, his eyes traveling down where my hand is working on his cock.

_I'm like your dirty little drug_

_And you never get enough_

"Dude, your music sucks," Emmett yells. "Don't you have any normal songs for normal fucking people?"

I lick Edward's ear and whisper, "Remember how you fucked my ass two days ago?"

I watch his eyes smolder as his cock throbs in my hand.

"I'd like to do it again sometime," I say, stroking faster, my gaze fixed on his face. I hiss and let out a little moan, licking my lips, letting my eyes drift down to where I work him. "God, I want it inside me so badly."

Just as I watch him hold his breath, looking like he's about to come, the music stops and the car comes to a halt.

"We're here, lovebirds," Emmett says. "Thank fuck!"

* * *

We're at Rosalie's. Edward and I spend the evening in her room while our friends party in the living room.

He fucks me again and again, doing us both a favor, his words, not mine. He says he's both fucking me out of his system and fucking himself out of mine.

"I'll never get enough of this," I say, panting while he does me from behind, holding my right leg up on Rose's desk. He always fucks me from behind.

He pulls out of me and drags me over to the vanity table. He hoists me up and sucks on my nipple, and for a moment there, I think we might finally change the position. I grip his hips, but he quickly reminds me who's in charge as he lets go off my boob and swiftly spins me around.

Once again I'm bent over, facing Rosalie's mirror. I watch his face as he adjusts himself back at my entrance. I'm swollen and sore, but having him back inside me is like being able to breathe again, right after having the air completely cut off.

I close my eyes.

Edward pulls on my hair. "Look at me," he barks as my eyes fly open. I meet his gaze in the mirror. He fucks me in long, firm strokes, pulling himself all the way out, and then plunging back in, deeply.

"Shit," I cry, completely enveloped in the ownership he has over me as I watch my boobs jump up and down with every thrust.

"I love watching your tits bounce." His whisper is ragged and hot against my ear.

I moan, closing my eyes again.

"Fucking open them," he says as he rolls my nipple between his fingers and slams his cock harder into me. The slapping sound of our flesh coming together is driving me insane.

I open my eyelids and fix my gaze on Edward's face in the mirror. He's frowning, his nostrils flaring, the vein popping out across his forehead. He looks wild.

"You're only good for this, you know that, right?" he says, his harsh words failing to have any negative effect on me as he slams into me again and again.

I moan and chant in rhythm with his thrusts, "Yes, yes, yes…."

"Oh, yes?" Edward slaps my ass. It feels so fucking good. I want him to smack me again and again.

"Do it again," I say.

"Do what again?" he asks, panting.

"Spank me," I breathe out in a shaky voice.

"Shit," Edward curses as he speeds up the thrusts and slaps me a little harder.

"More?" he asks. "Do you want more?"

"Yes!" I cry.

"Fuck!" Slap. I can feel the nails of his other hand dig into my hip as he changes the angle of his thrusts, making the head of his cock hit the right spot inside me. The stinging, burning sensation the slapping leaves on my skin intensifies the pleasure to a new level. Slap. Slap. Slap. Oh. My. God.

The table is shaking, bumping and screeching. My moans are getting out of control.

"Are you fucking coming?" Edward asks, groaning.

I can't answer because my brain is too stunned to let my mouth form anything apart from inarticulate sounds as he rides me harder, faster. I'm lost in my orgasm for what feels like an eternity, moaning, shouting, screaming.

Before I manage to fully regain my sanity, Edward pulls out of me growling, and I feel his warm cum hit my lower back. Without thinking, I reach for it using the tips of my fingers and bring it to my mouth. The need to taste him is beyond my understanding, but I gave up on trying to understand anything when it comes to how I feel about Edward. Everything I do when I'm with him or around him is above anything I've ever considered acceptable and right. But trying to be rational and reasonable about it feels impossible. Not just impossible. It feels wrong.

* * *

"Where the hell have you been?" Renee yells hysterically.

"Jesus, calm down. I'm here now, and I'm fine."

She points her finger at me, her face twisted with rage. "It's two in the morning! Who comes home at this time on Monday? Monday, Bella! You have crossed the line this time!"

I pass by my mother and head to my room, wondering when she had turned into this screaming lunatic.

"Where do you think you're going?!" She keeps yelling.

"To sleep. I have to wake up for school in five hours," I say calmly.

She stomps toward me and grabs my arm. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me where you've been!"

"I've been at Rosalie's," I say, shaking her hand off. "And I'm not talking to you until you calm down and stop yelling."

"You little piece of shit," Renee spits through clenched teeth. "Just who the fuck do you think you are?! I'll fucking yell all I want! There's obviously no other way to deal with you!"

"Deal with me? Really? When was the last time we had an actual conversation, huh? You're always busy taking care of your lover boy! That or getting shitfaced is all you do lately!"

Renee is shaking uncontrollably. "Do not try to accuse me of not taking good care of you! I cook for you. I take care of your laundry! I fix your room every day!"

"You really don't get it, do you? I'd rather have you not do any of that, if you'd just ask me how I am, like, I don't know… once a month maybe."

"Oh, shut up, you ungrateful, spoiled brat! You know what? I think you should go live with your father. I bet he is a better parent than me."

"Try and send me there and I'll report your lover boy for physical abuse," I say, smiling sweetly.

_Slap._

Ouch.

Renee's eyes widen as she shakes her head in disbelief, her hysterical yelling replaced by nearly a whisper. "I can't believe you. Who are you, and what have you done with my daughter?"

I turn around and run into my room, closing the door behind me. My cheek is burning, but what really hurts is my pride. I feel so small and humiliated.

I cry myself to sleep, wishing for the sun to rise sooner, so I can get the hell out of here.

* * *

_**It's only just a crush, it'll go away**_

_**It's just like all the others it'll go away**_

_**Or maybe this is danger and you just don't know**_

_**You pray it all away but it continues to grow**_

Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you very much to everyone who sticks with me through this story. I know it's not an easy read. And I really appreciate all your reviews. You guys are amazing!

xxx

**Rec: High Fidelity by IReen H **


	5. Chapter 5 - What Now

**Disclaimer:**Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:**All mistakes are mine. BIG Thank You to **TwilighMom505** and **Lulu M** for agreeing to beta my mess on permanent bases, and to PTB for hooking us up. I also have the best pre-reader ever – Miss **TiramiSue84**! Without these three ladies this story would never be what it is.

**Warning****: **My characters are nutcases. If you can't stand drugs, sex and violence in written word, you may want to stay away from this one.

**Music: **_What Now _- Rihanna_, Jungle Drum_ - Emiliana Torrini, _Save yourself _- My Darkest Days, _Because I Got High _- Afroman

Lyrics at the beginning are a tiny glimpse into Edward's mind. Lyrics at the end of the chapter are all Bella this time.

Links to music videos are on my profile page. I don't own any of them. They're just great inspiration.

* * *

**CHAPTER 5 – What Now**

_**There's nothing to be gained cause I can never change**_

_**And you can never understand my sickness**_

_**(I'll never understand my sickness)**_

_**Save yourself**_

_**From a life full of lies and a heart full of pain and sorrow**_

_**Save yourself**_

_**From the choices I make cause nothing but failure follows me**_

"Save yourself" – My Darkest Days

* * *

The school week passes quickly, despite the same mundane routine. We do inane stuff like record people scratching their butts or pick their noses during class. We drink vodka from Alice's flask and eat or skip lunches for a smoke. We fuck around and ditch class.

The situation at home is kind of status quo –No progress in any direction. I stay in my room and mind my own business, mainly surfing the net. Renee drinks and then suffers hangovers. One moment she's all touchy-wormy and then grows cold and distant. She yells and then apologizes.

As for Edward, I catch him staring at me in the parking lot and around school hallways, but every time my eyes meet his, he grimaces or averts his gaze. He once marched into the cafeteria and planted himself at our table, right across from me. He kicked my foot under the table pretty hard, grinning like a fool before standing up and leaving. I think he was high that day.

Aside from that, he never talks to me or comes near me. I'd like to confront him, demand to know what his problem is, but I don't want to come off as a nagging bitch. Anyway, it's not like I expected him to suddenly change and start talking to me at school or come and hold my hand.

It's Friday afternoon, and we're slowly gathering at Jasper's house. His parents are away for the weekend, so he's planning a two-day hang out with us. So far, it's just Jasper, Alice and I. We're going through the kitchen cabinets, gathering plates, cups and food items we'll need for the rest of the day.

"Is Edward coming?" I ask.

Alice gives me a stern look. "Can't you see that dickhead is just using you as his hole? He ignored you all week, after he fucked you. Don't you have an ounce of self-respect?"

_Ouch._

Jasper shakes his head and snorts. "Like any of you knows what self-respect means. You're all walking around in outfits that barely cover your tits and asses, getting drunk and high and acting like whores. That's how highly you value yourselves. And then you want a guy to seriously date you and people to respect you."

_Ouch. Ouch._

Where do people get off referring to me as a whore?

"Fuck you, Jasper!" Alice roars. "It's not like any of you guys are exactly relationship material either. You think you're not acting like a whore? How about that little stunt you pulled with Leah, huh?"

"I thought we were done talking about that," Jasper grumbles.

I feel annoyed. "You're both so fucking shallow."

What is it with people judging others based on what they see on the outside? It's like no one bothers to even scratch the surface, let alone dig deeper to find out what's inside. I am compared to a whore because of the way I dress and choose to have fun. Alice calls Edward an asshole and a dickhead because of the way he acts out. She doesn't even know him. I don't know him either, but I do know that there's so much more under that thick shell. Breaking through it might be hard, but what you find inside may be worth it. It's like with those hard candies that have soft, chewy centers. I love those. You savor them slowly, until the hard part melts, and then you get the delightful burst of chewy, gooey, soft core.

"What are you saying, Bella? I'm shallow because I call it as I see it?" Alice asks.

"Whatever. Forget it," I say. "So is Edward coming or not?"

Alice rolls her eyes, shakes her head in distaste, and gets back to emptying the dishwasher.

"He'll be here as soon as he drops his car off at the shop," Jasper says.

Half an hour later, everyone is here except for him. I'm sitting near the living room window, listening to my friends make plans for the next two days.

My phone rings. It's Renee. She says she's made a pie and some cookies for us and asks if someone can come pick it up. I smile. It makes me happy, kind of. She is trying to be a good mother the best way she can, I guess. So I thank her and tell her someone will come over.

"Oh, and you can stay the weekend too. Have fun, baby! I'll see you on Sunday," she says.

Weird. As if she didn't know I'd stay the weekend, anyway. She probably just wants to make sure I don't show up at home. No doubt she's planning a two-day fuck-fest all over the house with Phil. Gross.

I'm about to ask someone to go and get the food, but I'm distracted by the sight ahead of me. My eyes are glued to the window, watching the old red truck pull into the driveway. My heart starts pounding like crazy when I see Edward get out of it.

Why is he with Leah again?

At least he didn't invite her in.

"Is there any food in this joint? I'm fucking starving," Edward says as he blasts inside and walks straight to the kitchen. Taking his jacket off, he throws it over the chair and grabs an apple. He's wearing a black hoodie with _Keep Calm and Walk the Dog _written on it. I wonder is it random or it has a meaning.

"I thought you guys were cooking," he says, biting off a huge chunk of apple.

I stare at his mouth. His eyes dart over to me, but his glance is dismissive.

"Apparently, no one here knows how to cook," Jasper says.

"Renee made something. Someone should go pick it up," I finally say.

"Who's Renee?" Edward asks.

"Her mom, you jackass! Let's go, Jasper! We need to do grocery shopping anyway," Alice says.

Edward takes another bite of apple and gives her a cold stare. He turns to Jasper. "Tell your fuck-buddy to watch her mouth when she talks to me."

Alice glares at him. "Really, Jasper needs to tell me that? Why don't you tell me?"

Edward gives her a once over. "Look—Alice, right? That's your name? Tell me, who the fuck do you think you are to feel entitled to call me a jackass, huh? Are you my friend? Do I know you? Do you know me?" he speaks in a calm voice.

Alice stares at him, blinking. She opens her mouth and then closes it.

Jasper sighs, rubbing the back of his neck in obvious discomfort. "Guys, just knock it off, okay. We're all here to have fun, so let's just do that," he says. "C'mon, Alice, let's go."

"But…" Alice starts.

"We'll talk in the car," Jasper says.

Alice marches toward the door, still glaring at Edward. He snorts and shakes his head.

"I totally get you, man. She has a dirty fucking mouth," Emmett says.

"That's Alice," Rosalie says shrugging. "You gotta take her the ways she is or just ignore her."

"Pesky little drama queen, shitting on my bridge. The fucking highlight of my day," Edward mutters to himself.

I let out a laugh.

"You get my drift, huh?" Edward says, his eyes darting to my face, his lips curving into a small grin.

Rosalie snorts. "Shitting on your what?"

"You know, when someone who doesn't even know you gets off on saying shit about you–They're shitting on your bridge," Edward says, aiming for the trash can and throwing the remains of his apple right in the middle of it.

She shakes her head. "Jesus, where do you come up with stuff like that?"

"Hey, screw the drama. Let's start this party, people. Where's the booze?" Kate suggests. She's sitting on the futon between Garrett's thighs, tapping her bare foot against the carpet.

Garrett chuckles and starts rubbing her shoulders and arms. "Easy, tiger! We have two days ahead of us!"

Rosalie suggests that we do something normal for a change, so we agree on watching a movie. I grab a bottle of coke and popcorn from the kitchen counter and settle myself on the sofa. Edward plops himself right next to me, and I almost choke on a sip of soda.

"Are you all right?" he asks.

"I'm good."

"You seem to choke a lot."

"Thanks for the reminder."

Edward smirks and throws his arm behind me, placing it on the sofa. My skin tingles, hyper-aware of his body so close to me. My pulse races.

_Relax, Bella. Just relax._

As the movie progresses, I find myself leaning into Edward slowly, inch by inch. I have no idea what's happening in the movie because all I do is think about his proximity. My heart beats like a drum when I slowly let my head rest on his shoulder.

What if he pushes me away? Fuck it.

At first, Edward stiffens. I can see his hand twitching out of the corner of my eye. It's like he's not sure what to do with it.

_He's going to push me away now. He's going to ask me what the fuck I am doing. He's going to get up and move to sit somewhere else._

He doesn't. He takes a deep breath and I can feel him slowly relax. His arm still rests on the sofa, but that doesn't matter. He didn't push me away.

He feels warm and comfy, so I bring my legs up on the sofa and snuggle against him, moving my head lower to his chest. His heart hammers loudly against my ear, and it's the most beautiful sound in the world because I know that in this one small moment, it races for me.

"We're back!" Alice yells. Her voice blows my buzz completely.

"What are you guys doing?" Jasper asks.

"This movie sucks. It's boring. Let's do something else," Kate whines.

"Yeah, let's get drunk and have an orgy!" Emmett says, stretching his arms. "You in, Rose? How about you and Kate start making out like you did on Monday."

Rosalie huffs. "Fuck off, Emmett!"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, intrigued. I lift my head and sit up, moving away from Edward. He stays in his place, his eyes glued to the screen.

"They made out last week at Rosalie's. You were too busy fucking Cullen to notice anything. Jesus, you were so loud!" Alice says.

"Shut up," I squeak out, covering my face with my hands.

Edward lets out a quiet chuckle. I don't dare looking at him.

"Whatever. They were both completely fucked up. Kate was probably still passed out in Rosalie's bed while we were at school on Tuesday morning. That's how trashed they were," Alice continues.

"Oh my God, shut up, bitch!" Rosalie says. "We're here, in case you didn't notice. And it wasn't like that at all."

Edward suddenly nudges me with his elbow. "Let's go for a walk," he says quietly.

I nod, smiling. He doesn't smile back. His face is dead serious. "I'll wait for you outside," he says as he stands up and pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket.

I grab my jacket and shoes, and just as I'm about to come out of the house, the hideous red monster truck pulls into the driveway once again. I freeze in the doorway, watching Leah run toward Edward. She talks fast, gesticulating with her arms wildly, urgently.

I move toward them. I need to know what's going on.

"We need to go right now," Leah says.

"Fuck," Edward curses. "Are you sure about this shit?"

"I'm sure, Cullen. I heard them talking."

Edward throws his cigarette on the ground and scurries toward Leah's truck looking livid. He opens the door and gets behind the wheel. I'm so sick of not knowing what's happening with these two.

Fuck not knowing.

On impulse, I run back into the house, catching Alice alone in the hallway and silently thank my lucky stars. "Alice! Get Jasper's car keys, fast. We need to go! Now! It's an emergency!" I say quickly, under my breath.

" Are you crazy? Jasper would never give me his car. I don't even have a driver's license!" she says looking at me like I just landed from another planet.

I know her father taught her how to drive.

"Please, you need to do this for me! I'll explain everything on the way. Just move, now! It's important." I'm persistent.

"Oh shit, this better be good." Alice curses but takes Jaspers jacket and puts on her shoes. "The keys are in the pocket. Let's go!"

"You better start talking!" Alice says as we sit in the car, and she starts the engine.

"Just drive! We need to be fast and catch Leah's truck before they take the turn."

"This is a Ford Fiesta, not a fucking Ferrari, Bella! Oh my God, Jasper is going to kill me," she yells. "Is Cullen is in that truck with her?"

I don't say anything. I tap my fingers against the console nervously, stretching my neck toward the windshield, willing for Leah's truck to come into sight.

"There they are," I say, finally catching a glimpse of the red beast. "Slow down. We don't want them to see us."

"Oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. We're like creepy stalkers," Alice says, but the excitement in her voice is clear.

"Shut up! You're totally enjoying this."

I wonder where the heck they are going and why as we pass the Forks Community Hospital and turn to West E Street. As we drive further, I see Rigby's Autobody shop before remembering Jasper saying that Edward left his car there.

* * *

"Where the fuck should I park?" Alice asks.

"I don't know. Just stop and I'll get out," I say.

"Are you crazy? He'll see you. Let's just stay here."

"I can't see anything from here."

"What do you want to see, anyway? The bitch stayed in her truck, so they aren't fucking."

I sigh. "Let's just pass by the shop."

Alice drives slowly, and my jaw drops at what I see happening in the parking lot—Sam kneeling next to the silver Volvo with a knife in his hand, pointing it toward Edward. Edward's foot collides with Sam's head so hard, the knife flies across the concrete. Sam falls on his back, his hands covering his face. Edward's fists clench tight as he launches himself at Sam and pounds on his head and chest vigorously.

"Oh shit, Jacob is here, too," Alice squeaks, hitting the break.

My head snaps to Jacob running down the street toward us, carrying sandwiches. He throws them down to the ground and sprints faster. Without thinking, I jump out of the car and run in his direction.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Alice yells after me. "Cullen is perfectly capable of beating the shit out of both of them! Didn't you see him? He's fucking mental!"

Jacob sees me and stops in his tracks, his eyes widening.

"Bella?" he looks at me in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" I say, catching my breath.

Jacob glances toward Edward and Sam and starts moving again. "Fuck! This bastard is going to kill my friend. I have to go!"

"Hey!" I shout after him. "I slashed your tires! Just so you know!"

He stops and turns around, frowning. "What the fuck did you just say?"

"You heard me," I say, catching the sight of Edward behind him. He stares at us wild-eyed. Sam sees us too. He stands up and sneakily approaches Edward from behind. Just as I'm about to start yelling, Edward rams Sam in the eye with his elbow. He spins around and violently knocks him back to the ground.

Jake shoots me a murderous look and runs toward them. I follow close behind him.

"Get the fuck away from me, Bella, or I swear I'll fucking hit you," Jake yells as I catch up with him and grab his sleeve. He turns around abruptly and gets into my face, jolting his arm out of my grip. He's about to push me but gets pulled away instantly.

Edward tugs on his jacket and spins him around. His eyes are blazing fire. He slams his forehead against Jake's nose before showing his knee into his ribs. He's like a savage beast, brutal and merciless, as he continues pounding Jacob, using both his fists and his feet.

"Stop!" I yell. "That's enough!"

I get no reaction. Edward is a freaking mad man, completely out of control.

I scream. "Fucking stop! You're going to kill him!"

Finally, Edward lets go of him. Blood is streaming from Jacob's nose and over his mouth as he drags himself backward to where his friend lays. He sees the knife, reaches for it, and stands up.

"Come! Come to me, you cocksucker," Jacob barks through clenched teeth, spitting the blood out of his mouth.

Edward moves with no hesitation, his arms spread out. He appears vulnerable against the sharp, deadly object, but the energy he's radiating makes him seem shellproof.

I gasp.

"Go ahead, motherfucker. You better stab me now, or I am going to fucking tear you to pieces," Edward says, his voice low and growly. His chest is touching the blade. His chin is tilted upward, holding Jake firmly in his power-crazed gaze.

I cover my mouth to stop myself from crying out loud. The panic that overtakes me rips my insides out. Jacob's hand is shaking, his face twitching nervously.

"What the hell is going on here?" Alice asks quietly as she shows up behind me.

"Holy shit! What the fuck are you doing, Jacob!" she yells. "You want to spend the rest of your life in jail? Drop the fucking knife, pick up your friend, and go home!"

"Shut up, bitch!" Jacob spits, drops of his blood landing all over Edward.

Edward groans and hammers the knife out of Jacob's hand in one swift movement, using the side of his wrist. He grabs Jacob by the neck.

"Listen to me, you little shit. Come near me or my friends or my car one more time, and I'll break all your fucking fingers. Then I'll break your arms and legs, your jaw, and your fucking spine. You get me?" Edward says and spits on the ground where Sam lays, not daring to make a move. "Same goes for you, you stupid fucker. And you can deliver the message to all your little friends. Keep your shit in La Push from now on. No one wants you in Forks. You're lucky it was only me here today. Trust me, if James gets his hands on you, he won't be this merciful." Edward releases his neck and walks toward his car to inspect the tires. He walks nonchalantly, like nothing happened – Like he wasn't completely fucking mental just minutes ago.

"What the fuck are you two doing here?" he asks under his breath as he passes by Alice and me.

"You are crazy," I manage to let out quietly, in a whisper almost. I'm still shaking.

"Cue for you to stay the fuck away from me," he says breathing hard as he wipes some of Jake's blood off his forehead using the sleeve of his jacket. His knuckles are swollen and red, turning blue. "Why did you follow me here?" he asks.

"Oh, we were just on our way to the bakery. We passed here totally by accident." Alice rambles.

"Too bad there are no bakeries closer to Jasper's house," Edward says, smirking. He turns around and heads across the parking lot toward Leah's truck.

"Bella," Jacob calls. He limps toward me, keeping his shirt over his mouth and nose. "I need to talk to you."

I turn to Alice. "Let's go."

"Bella, wait," Jacob cries. "You're fucking him, aren't you? You're fucking that crazy motherfucker? Why? You think he cares for you?"

Edward halts in his place a few feet away from the street. I turn around and look at Jacob, cringing at the sight of his screwed up face. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"Fuck off, Jacob! At least he doesn't pretend to care like you did," I say.

I glance at Edward. He still stands there, his hands in his pockets, his brows knitted.

"I do care," Jacob says. "You never let me apologize for that stupid tweet. I was drunk, Bella! Drunk and hurt. I'm sorry! I told everyone it was a lie!"

"I don't give a crap."

"I think you do, and I think you still have feelings for me. Otherwise you wouldn't have slashed my tires. You think you hate me, but you know what they say–the line between love and hate is…"

I can't believe this shit. I cut him off. "I did it for the thrill, Jake. That's all. Now fuck off and go talk to whoever is stupid enough to listen to you."

Edward shakes his head, smirks, and continues walking toward Leah.

"You're just angry at me. Just think about it, Bella, please. It was a stupid, drunken mistake. I still love you," Jacob says.

"Stop it! Just stop it! We broke up before your stupid tweet, so stop it! You don't love me, and I don't love you! That's why we could never work."

Alice nudges me with her elbow. "C'mon, let's just go!"

We make our way to Jasper's car. Just as we're about to get in, I see Leah and Edward approach us.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Alice says.

"I need to talk to you, Bella," Leah says. She stands in front of me with her arms crossed.

Jesus. What's with all the freaking sleazebags wanting to talk to me today?

"What do you want?"

"I think you might want to come to La Push with me," she says.

"What?"

"C'mon, Alice. Get in the car. Be good, and I might save your ass," Edward says, heading for the driver's side of Jasper's Fiesta. "Jasper doesn't have to know you drove his car," he says and winks, getting behind the wheel.

"What the fuck is going on here? I'm not going with her," I say, pointing my finger at Leah.

Edward looks at me, his expression blank. "I think you should," he says.

What. The. Fuck.

* * *

We drive in silence while I try to digest what Leah just told me.

_Charlie is pissed at you._

_He's sick._

_It's cancer._

_He's going in for an operation on Monday._

Overcome by feelings of guilt, I stare at my feet.

"Stop dwelling on it," Leah says. "Cancer doesn't make a person less of an asshole."

I stay silent, digging deep inside myself, looking for a glimmer of any other feeling but guilt. There's no sadness, or fear. Nothing people usually feel in this kind of situation. What is wrong with me?

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Leah says.

I just nod.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"Oh, and you don't hate me?" I snap.

She shrugs. "I did hate you before. I had that stupid crush on Jake, and all he did was follow you around like a puppy."

"Yeah, I get it. So you had to go and suck his dick the day after we broke up."

"I actually fucked him," she corrects me.

Duh.

"And then I dropped him. It was just to teach him a lesson. I made sure he caught me fucking Paul a few days later. He actually thought I'd date him. Idiot!"

"You're such a class act, Leah."

"Oh, and you think you're better? Like I didn't see you almost fuck Edward there, in front of everyone."

"Are you fucking him?" I ask.

"Not really."

"Oh, so you're friends. Since when?"

"Since we have kind of an agreement I can't talk to you about."

Whatever the fuck.

She pulls into the driveway. We're here.

Sue opens the door and shoots me a surprised, disgusted look.

Seth yells excitedly, jumping around me ,"I knew you'd come! I knew it! I told them you'd be here!" He hugs me around the waist, and I tap his back awkwardly.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sue asks as I step inside.

"To see my father."

"He's asleep. Don't you dare wake him up. Where the hell have you been all this time?" Her eyes fill with tears. "Your father is dying, Bella! And you have ignored him for months. What kind of a daughter are you?"

Her words hit hard, the guilt suffocating me.

_I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry_.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, feeling my chin quiver.

"Oh my God, Mom! Just stop it!" Leah says, grimacing. "Why are you doing this to her? First of all, he's not dying. People beat cancer, you know. So stop crying and acting like you've buried him already. Secondly, Bella was right to cut off contact and ignore him. What kind of a father was he to her, huh? She was like a guest, coming here on weekends. He never treated her like a family member. All he did was sent us to play at Jake's or bitch and complain about her mother."

I stand there speechless. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. I'm kind of relieved that Charlie is asleep and that I don't have to talk to him right now. And I think I'm a horrible person because of that.

"I have to go now. I'll come and see him in the hospital," I say to Seth and Leah.

"I'll drive you back," Leah says.

"You're not going anywhere," Sue roars at her.

"Fuck you, Mom!"

* * *

We're parked in front of Jasper's house. Leah stares at me as I remain in my seat without attempting to open the door.

She fumbles around inside the small compartment of the console until she finds a rolled up joint. The familiar smell reaches my nostrils as she lights it and inhales. She passes it to me and turns the music on.

_It's like I don't care about nothin',man_

_Roll another blunt. Yeah_

I stare at her in disbelief. I don't know what's more ridiculous – the fact that I'm smoking weed with Leah or the song she's playing. Does she have this shit prepared for special occasions or something?

I inhale twice and snort. "Can you crank it louder?"

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I actually really want to stay in that truck with her and not go inside the house. They'll ask about Charlie, and I really don't want to talk about it. Instead I bob my head as we sing together, laughing like crazy.

_I messed up my entire life because I got high_

_I lost my kids and wife because I got high_

_Now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why, yea hey_

_Because I got high. Because I got high. Because I got high._

"Hey, you want to come inside?" I ask her once we're done. I burst into another round of crazy laughter. What the fuck am I doing asking her inside? Luckily, Leah says no, mumbling something about Alice being a nut case. That makes me laugh even harder, so hard that my belly hurts, and I can't catch my breath anymore. I open the door, jump out of the truck, and wave good bye, trying to calm my laughing outburst before I go in the house.

Once I'm in, all eyes are on me. I can't stop the snorts leaving my mouth uncontrollably.

Alice jumps out of the chair. "What happened? Is your father all right?" she asks.

I hang my jacket and glance into the hallway mirror. My hair is a mess, my eyes red and glossy, but my makeup is intact, and the stupid smile won't leave my face.

"Nothing happened. He's fine." My gaze travels to the corner where Edward is sitting in an armchair. I notice he's changed into gray sweatpants and a black T-shirt. His brows are furrowed, and the way he looks at me is… weird.

"Hey, what's this? If I knew you were all so down, I would have stayed and partied in Leah's truck," I say.

Rosalie smiles and hands me a lemon drop, and everyone goes back to whatever they were doing before. I down the shot and take a seat on the carpet between Kate and Rose. I look at Edward again. He's watching me kind of carefully, his eyes slightly widened.

He knows Charlie has cancer. I'm sure Leah told him. He must think I'm some kind of freaking crazy, emotionless monster for acting like this.

* * *

_**Whatever it is, it feels like it's laughing at me**_

_**Through the glass of a two-sided mirror**_

_**Whatever it is, it's just sitting there laughing at me**_

_**And I just wanna scream**_

_**What now, I just can't figure it out**_

_**I don't know where to go**_

_**I don't know what to feel**_

_**I don't know how to cry**_

_**I don't know, oh, oh why**_

"_What Now" - Rihanna_

* * *

**Rec: Indecent Proposal by pattyrose**


	6. Chapter 6 - I Feel You

**Disclaimer: **Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:** All mistakes are mine. Thank you to TwilighMom505 and Lulu M for being the most amazing betas. Thank you to TiramiSue84 for pre-reading and being understanding, supporting and so awesome.

**Music:** _I Feel You_ – Depeche Mode, _Lost in Paradise_ – Rihanna, _Don't Think_ – Chemical Brothers

You can find links to music videos on my profile page. I don't own any of them. They're just great inspiration.

* * *

CHAPTER 6 – I Feel You

_**I feel you  
Your sun it shines  
I feel you  
Within my mind  
You take me there  
You take me where  
The kingdom comes  
You take me to  
And lead me through Babylon**_

_**This is the morning of our love  
It's just the dawning of our love  
**_

"I Feel You" - Depeche Mode_  
_

* * *

It's close to midnight, and I'm on all fours, stripped down to my underwear, pretending to be a dog thanks to the stupid truth or dare game we've been playing for the past hour.

"C'mon, Bella, you can do better than that!" Kate yells. Bitch. Her hardest dare was to peel a banana without using her hands, and she whined about it for half an hour.

"What do you want me to do, huh? Hump your leg?"

"Yeah, do that!" Emmett says.

"Fuck you. I'm not humping anyone's leg," I say, laughing.

"Okay, then at least stop talking."

Edward sits on the stairs that lead up to the second floor with an iPad in his hands and a scowl on his face. He's not playing with us. Since I came back from La Push, he hasn't uttered a single word to me.

"Come over here, puppy," Emmett orders.

I'm far from enjoying this but trashed enough to have some fun with it.

I stomp toward Emmett, using all the puppy-enthusiasm I can come up with. My ass is high in the air and pointed toward Edward, and I am very well aware of that. Determined to get his eyes off that iPad, I whimper loudly, wiggling my butt. Gnashing my teeth, I growl at Emmett.

"Dude, be careful. She'll bite you," Garrett says, snickering.

"No, she won't. Good doggy," Emmett says, petting my head. I roll my eyes, turn around and head toward Alice and Jasper, adding a soft bark to my little performance.

"You're too cute," Rose says. "Look at her, prancing her paws proudly! She reminds me of Simba!"

"You're supposed to be a dog not a lion cub," Alice says.

I show her the finger, smile and stick my tongue out. I let it hang, trying to resemble a dog panting. What else should I do? I whine once again, looking at Jasper.

"You want something?" Jasper asks. "Show us what you want!"

What the fuck do I want? Hm. I grin as the idea pops into my head. I point my chin toward Jasper's belt and whine a little more, sticking my tongue out once again.

Jasper turns red. He thinks I'm pointing to his dick. Alice snorts, and then burst out laughing.

"She wants the leash, you moron," Edward says. I turn my head toward him and nod enthusiastically. He shakes his head, letting out a chuckle.

Jasper takes his belt off quickly, still blushing. I pick it up with my teeth, let out a soft growl and head toward Edward, stomping on all fours. Climbing a couple of stairs, I stop in front of him and bark softly, placing the belt onto his lap.

Edward sneers and tilts his head to the side. His hand grasps the hair at the back of my head, and I moan a little. His mouth is on my ear. "You're wearing a fucking thong while pretending to be a bitch. You made every single fucker in this room hard for you. You're aware of that, right?"

I lick my lips. "Are you hard for me?"

"Hey, come back here, Bella. Cullen is not playing!" Jasper shouts.

Edward stares at my face, smirking. "What do you think?"

"I don't know. Show me."

"Hey, no talking!" Emmett yells. "Let her go, man!"

Edward's eyes are glued to me. "Sorry, but she brought me the leash, and now I have to take her for a walk," he says, fastening the belt gently around my neck.

"No fair, Cullen. You're not even in the game," Jasper says.

Edward grins at him. "Fuck the game if it doesn't have a winner."

I snicker and let out a soft whimper, stomping up the stairs loudly.

"You're fucking nuts," Edward says. I stand up, giggling. He leads me into what I assume is a guest room.

As soon as we're in, I don't waste any time. I get back on all fours and let my eyes rake him from head to toe. I grab onto his sweatpants with my teeth, yanking. I'm sure the whole thing looks sexy. The weed and alcohol in my bloodstream agree with me.

Edward looks amused while he watches me take off his clothes using just my teeth. He lets out a series of little laughs. I'm glad he finds me entertaining. I love seeing him laugh.

I yank on his boxers. The sight of his dick springing free and hard for me makes me want to growl. So I do. He shakes his head and lightly pushes me away. I sit on the bed silently, licking my lips, watching him pace the room. His hard cock bobs up and down. He looks like sin, dark and magnetic.

"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" His voice is suddenly hoarse with frustration. "Making me think of a hundred different ways to violate you."

I swallow hard, his words making me tremble with desire. Maybe I want to be violated by him.

"Just get over here and take what you want," I say.

His eyes snap to mine. He stops pacing, takes a deep breath and approaches me. He places one knee on the bed next to me and reaches behind my back to unclasp my bra. I let my eyes fall to his cock, biting my lip. I want him on me and inside me—now and always.

Edward's tongue darts out of his mouth, tracing his lower lip. He yanks my thong down and sits on the bed, facing me.

The only thing I'm wearing now is Jasper's belt around my neck. He pulls on it lightly, wrapping it around his hand, bringing me closer to him. His gaze is clouded with desire and maybe something else, focused on my lips.

There's this new kind of tension floating between us, and I let myself bask in it.

My eyes drift to where his hand holds the belt, and I softly brush my fingers over his swollen, bruised knuckles. Edward's eyes dart between my face and where my hand touches his. His breathing is shallow and fast, the corner of his lip twitching in tiny, lightning-fast movements.

He tilts his head to the side, just slightly, and moves his mouth closer to my parted lips.

_He's going to kiss me. _

My heart skips a beat. Time stops. My breathing stops. Everything stops.

His lips ghost over mine, barely touching. I tingle all over. I feel like my heart might melt or explode or something. I don't know. All I know is I'm stunned, and there's a sudden swarm of butterflies in my belly.

Edward captures my lower lip between his, pulling on it gently. The tip of his tongue brushes over me just briefly as if testing me, trying me out. A sharp breath leaves my mouth before his lips fully meet mine.

And then he's kissing me—really kissing me. His lips are warm and soft, his tongue firm and demanding. My hand holds the back of his neck tightly, the tips of my fingers buried in his hair.

I lie on my back, pulling him down with me. He pants into my mouth, his knee pushing my legs apart. I can feel him against my pussy—hard and ready.

Lost in his gaze, I feel his cock slide in slowly, inch by inch, his hips rocking against mine in a steady, slow motion. He whispers something against my lips, exhaling a short, heavy breath. He says, "Fuck," and something else I can't hear.

God, this is too much. I feel like my heart is about to jump out of my chest.

I suck on his lower lip, savoring him slowly and completely, moaning quietly as he slides in and out. I close my eyes, humming under my breath, relishing in his slow invasion.

Edward groans lowly. His hands travel down, his fingers digging into my thighs, pushing my legs up higher, spreading them wider. He's getting ready to fuck me harder. I hoist myself up onto my elbows and jerk my hips upward, meeting his first hard thrust.

We're so in sync. We're one and the same.

He holds my legs up and wide open with his forearms, leaning his weight into me, thrusting deep and heavy. Our kissing turns feverish. We're a bundle of sucking, licking, moaning, and growling sounds. It feels so good, I'm about to cry.

Edward breaks our kiss to watch my face. He rotates his hips against me, his pelvic bone rubbing against my clit every time he buries his cock fully inside me.

"Oh fuck," I hear myself cry out. I feel my vision blur as I ride on a sweet, long wave of pleasure, watching his parted lips.

"I'm coming with you," he whispers under his breath. "I'm coming with you. Fuck." He growls, his body going rigid as he pulls out of me. I pant heavily, watching his cum hit the upper part of my pussy and my lower belly. His face is scrunched up in a painful expression as he keeps stroking his cock until the last drop of creamy-white ends in my belly button.

Edward's body relaxes as he catches his breath.

"Wait here. I'll bring you something to clean yourself," he says, hopping off the bed. Breathless and speechless, I watch him put on sweatpants and disappear through the door.

Is he still going to deny us after this? Is he still going to tell me to stay away from him? Or has he finally realized that we're so much more than just a fuck?

I look down at my belly. Next time, I want his cum inside me. I need to go on the pill. I'm setting up the gyno appointment first thing Monday.

* * *

I call the hospital on Monday around noon to ask how Charlie's operation went. They tell me he's in ICU, and I can speak to the doctor who operated on him later in the afternoon when he's free. They say the doctor's name is Carlisle Cullen.

I knew Edward's father was a doctor, but I had no idea he was a surgeon. It feels weird, knowing that he operated on my father. Suddenly I'm kind of looking forward to visiting Charlie in the hospital, and I instantly want to slap myself. I should be worried about my father not excited about meeting Edward's dad.

The day at school drags slowly. I'm bored out of my mind. My homeroom teacher tells me she wants me to see the school counselor, someday next week. Whatever. She says to check my e-mail for some info she's sent me regarding the topic we'll be discussing.

After school, I meet the girls at the outdoor basketball court to watch the boys play. It's really cold outside, and I miss the school bus again, but who cares—I don't feel like going home.

"C'mon, Cullen, we're losing like bitches here," Garrett yells. My head snaps toward where Edward slowly jogs onto the court with a bottle of water in his hand.

My heart starts beating faster. I didn't see him in school today. Last time I saw him was when he left Jasper's two days ago, right after we had sex.

Edward takes his jacket off, and my eyes widen as I watch him walk toward where I stand.

"Hold this for me," he says, throwing the jacket at me. I grin stupidly, clutching onto the soft piece of material.

"It's just a jacket, Bella. Get a grip on yourself," Alice says.

The smile doesn't leave my face as I watch the game, my eyes mostly focused on Edward.

The girls keep teasing me, saying I've found my new high. They have no idea. It's so much better than any high I've had. I remember the way he kissed me, and my fingers fly to my lips, touching. As if I could catch the invisible traces of his lips against mine.

The boys are done with the game pretty fast, and everyone's ready to go home. Edward takes his jacket, gives me a lopsided smile, and heads to his car without saying a word. My eyes follow him, and I'm grasping on the last part of my sanity that stops me from going after him.

I want him to come back, grab my hand, take me with him, and never let me leave his side. I want to be with him, enveloped in him, all the time. It's crazy. I'm crazy.

I walk home feeling empty and cold. There's no one really waiting for me there—no one to share my day with. And no matter how much I keep trying to convince myself that it doesn't matter, somehow it just does. It grates on me more and more every day.

My heart skips a beat when a silver Volvo suddenly comes into my sight.

Edward drives slowly next to me. He watches me through the open window. My legs feel like jelly.

"Get in," he says, stopping the car. I smile wide, feeling my heart flutter wildly as I settle into the warmed up passenger seat. Did he heat it up for me?

He stays quiet while he drives, and I'm nervous as hell.

Should I say something?

I'm completely tongue tied, feeling silly. It's funny how I have no problem fucking him, but when it comes to talking, I'm paralyzed.

He's driving really fast, so we reach my house in about five minutes. He parks the car, turns off the ignition and takes a deep breath, frowning. His troubled gaze is on me, studying, traveling up and down. I'd like to erase the uneasy, worried expression on his face, but I don't know how because I don't know what causes it. Maybe he's angry with himself for wasting his time with me. Maybe he thinks I'm some stupid, immature idiot who can't even have normal conversation and he regrets driving me home.

I cast my eyes down to my lap, where I play with my fingers.

"So…" I start nervously. "That day at Jasper's, when you asked me to go for a walk…"

I don't get to finish my question. I'm cut off by warm lips and the taste of wintergreen, and all my worries are lost in velvet heaven as Edward's tongue finds mine. I kiss him back with all I have as he grabs my jacket, pulling me closer to him. His arms circle my waist, and he hoists me over to his side, making me straddle him on his seat.

I whimper into his mouth, feeling his hands squeeze my butt. He presses me down against his hard, denim-clothed cock and moves me back and forth in a firm steady motion while sucking on my tongue. My jeans feel burning hot against my pussy as the feverish friction turns me on and pisses me off at the same time.

I want his bare skin and muscle against me and inside me.

I rub against him in a frenzy, parting my mouth from his, pushing his head down toward my chest. I hold onto his hair with a tight grip. I'm close. So close.

"God," I cry out under my breath.

Edward lifts his hips and presses on my back harder. "Can you come like this?" he asks in his smooth, buttery voice.

I dig my nails into the back of his skull, my other hand clutching onto the sleeve of his jacket.

I fall over the edge, shaking, his name leaving my lips in sweet agony.

* * *

"Hey, you don't even say hi anymore when you come home," Renee yells from the kitchen.

"Hi!" I shout from my room, smiling, still lightheaded from my Edward high. I throw my backpack into the corner of my room, turn my music on, and fall onto my bed with a big smile.

_It may be wrong, but it feels right_

_To be lost in paradise_

Funny, I thought _Unapologeti_c was a crappy album, but suddenly I love it. I don't remember the last time I felt this good. I jump off the bed and spin around. My smile is wide, my eyes closed.

_If I open up my eyes_

_I can see the storm, I can see the sky_

_I can see the darkness, flashing lights_

_All my fears don't deny, let me stay_

_I'm lost in paradise_

The song finishes, and I find myself cleaning my room enthusiastically, picking up all the discarded clothes, make up, books, and empty candy bar wrappers. I organize my desk and reorganize my closet. I even manage to study for about a half hour.

Then I remember the e-mail from my home room teacher. I click on my inbox, and it's there. I open it. There's an article attached about teen depression. I skim through it, rolling my eyes, moving to the part that lists the symptoms.

_You constantly feel irritable, sad, or angry. Nothing seems fun anymore, and you just don't see the point of trying. _

I don't think so.

_You feel bad about yourself—worthless, guilty, or just "wrong" in some way._

Hmm,

_You have frequent, unexplained headaches or other physical problems. You cry a lot_.

Not.

_You just can't concentrate. Your grades may be plummeting because of it. _

Okay.

_You start using alcohol or drugs or hanging with a bad crowd. _

Oh, well.

_You're thinking about death or suicide._

Bullshit.

I close the page. I'm not fucking depressed. I wonder if she's sent something to Renee, but it doesn't really matter. Renee has been ignoring e-mails from school for a long time now. I think she doesn't check her mail box at all anymore.

I call the hospital again. Dr. Cullen says Charlie is stable. I like his voice. He says the cancer didn't progress from the colon to the liver as they suspected and that the next step is chemo.

* * *

I go to the hospital on Tuesday and Thursday. Dr. Cullen is busy so I don't get to meet him or talk to him.

Charlie refuses to see me.

Leah says I shouldn't feel bad about it because he doesn't want to see anyone. I think she's lying just to make me feel better, and I can't figure out why. Why does she suddenly care how I feel? Maybe I should hang with her from time to time.

I still wonder what her deal with Edward is. Maybe she'll tell me.

It's Friday, and another school week is finally over. I'm standing with the girls in our spot near the woods as Edward and the boys walk toward us.

Garrett approaches Kate. He looks pissed. Jasper grabs Alice's butt and kisses her. Emmett and James stand next to Rosalie, inspecting the new crystal stud piercing in her nose.

"What a nice little piece," James says. He's not really looking at her piercing. His eyes rake over her body.

"You want nice and little? Look down your pants, asshole," Rosalie says coolly, pulling the gum from her mouth in a long string.

Edward comes to stand next to me. He lights a cigarette and inhales deeply. He doesn't look at me or say anything. He just stands there with his arm hanging an inch away from mine, making me feel all tense.

Kate and Garret are arguing loudly. All eyes are on them. He goes on and on about her not having limits with booze and drugs, and she's not taking it well.

I'm scanning Edward's hand.

I want to touch it. I don't dare. I stay in my place, shifting my weight nervously. I snatch a sideways glance at his face. He clears his throat and licks his lips, looking down at my feet.

The tension in the air is killing me.

I block out everything happening around us when I feel Edward's finger touch mine. It's just a tiny brush, and it lasts for a split second. My chest tightens as my finger gravitates back toward his. I touch and pull away quickly, just like he did.

The corner of Edward's lip twitches before I hear him take a deep breath.

"Fuck it," he mutters to himself. His hand catches mine fully, making my heart pound against my chest wildly.

"Are you coming to Eclipse tonight?" he asks, moving his thumb in small circles over my knuckles.

"Yes," I say, nodding hastily. I really hope my face doesn't look the way it feels— hot and burning.

"You?"

"I'll see you there," he says. He squeezes my hand once before making his way to his car.

* * *

"Want a line, Bella?" Alice asks, rubbing her nose.

"You know I don't do that shit," I say, taking a swig of the Jack Daniel's Jasper brought. We're at Alice's as always before going to Eclipse.

"Can I have one?" Kate asks.

"I can't give it to you, Kate. We promised Garrett," Alice says.

Kate frowns. "Garrett is a pain in the ass. I should just break up with him."

"Oh, please, you'd break up with a guy over drugs and booze?! Get a grip on yourself! You can't handle the stuff. We always have to fucking babysit you," Alice says.

"Jesus, Alice, you don't have to be so harsh," Rose chimes in.

Kate stomps out of the room. I rush after her.

"Let her go, Bella. She needs to chill," Jasper says.

"I think she needs help," I say.

Alice nods. "She needs help, all right. Only she doesn't want it. She doesn't want to listen to us. What are we supposed to do? Tell her parents?"

Ugh. This is fucked up. I try catching up with Kate, but she's gone out of the house, and I have no idea where she went. I try calling her. She doesn't answer her phone.

"You should call Garrett, and let him know she's gone," I tell Jasper as I get back inside the room.

"Already did that," he says.

Rosalie jumps off the chair and throws her hands in the air. "I'm so ready to hit the club, you guys! Are we ready?"

Half an hour later, I'm sitting on a bar stool in Eclipse, holding a Corona the bartender just handed over to me. Edward is standing a few feet away, nodding his head at something Emmett is saying, but his eyes are fixed on my hands, watching me try to push an oversized lime slice into the bottle.

The damn thing finally slips in, and I lick the remains of lime juice off my fingers. I bring the bottle to my mouth and take a sip, watching Edward's eyes follow my every move. I fidget in my chair, feeling the heat spreading through me as Emmett leaves, and Edward strolls over to me with a small smirk on his face.

"Hi," I say, licking my lips.

"Hi."

Edward stands close to me, leaning into my chair. He takes a sip of his beer and places the bottle on the counter in front of me.

"Your friends are high as a kite," he says.

I glance at Alice and Rose. They're on the other end of the bar counter, acting obnoxious. "Yep, I guess they're pretty high."

"They're completely doped up. What about you?" he asks.

"I'm good. Just a little tipsy. You?"

His hand brushes the inside of my bare thigh. He licks his lips and brings his face closer to me. "I just want to fuck you."

Oh.

He gives me a small smirk and reaches for my arm slowly, casually. He tugs on it lightly, spins me around on the stool, and stands behind my back.

"Why do you always turn me on?" he asks into my ear.

I suck in a startled breath, feeling him grind himself into my back.

"Tell me."

Jesus. What should I say? I don't know why, but I'm wet for you too, and I also think I love you, and please fuck me now?

"You always turn me on too. I think we have good chemistry," I say, trying to control my breathing.

_Don't think just let it flow _

_Don't think just let it flow_

The Chemical Brothers are blowing out of the speakers, their music making me even hornier.

Edward's lips move from my ear down to my neck, kissing, sucking softly and then harder. His hand travels up my thigh, sneaking under my fluffy red miniskirt.

"You're so hot," he says, his fingers caressing my pussy through my lacy red panties. "And wet."

I squirm a little. "People will see," I say breathlessly.

Edward spins me back towards him and stands between my legs, his hand moving back under my skirt.

I grab his arm.

"Shhh, let me." His fingers are already under my panties, stroking my wet folds. "Just let me touch you. No one will see."

I glance down. Half of his lower arm is covered by my skirt, but it's not like it's hard to tell what he's doing. The space around us is crowded, and everyone is immersed in their own fun, but if someone looks our way, they'll know exactly what's happening, and I'm not drunk or stoned enough to not care.

Edward kisses me, his fingers moving up and down my wet slit. The tip of his tongue touches mine, and he slides one finger inside me. He pushes as deep as it goes, and then pulls out slowly. I gasp into his mouth. His finger works me at a steady pace before he adds another one. I'm clutching onto his shoulders, trying hard to keep my hips still as his fingers wiggle around, pressing hard, touching everywhere inside me.

I cannot keep it down any more. I moan loudly into his mouth and jerk my hips.

"Christ," he rasps, pulling his fingers out. "Let's get out of here." He takes my hand is his and leads me out of the club.

We get into the back seat of his car.

He kisses me eagerly, frantically, making me straddle him. I move away to unbutton his pants. He lowers them down together with his boxers before quickly digging his hand under my skirt. He moves my panties to the side.

"Sit on my cock," he says hoarsely.

Oh God. I lower myself onto him, my breath stuck somewhere in my lungs. His hands are inside my bra, his fingers playing with my nipples.

"Fuck me," he whispers.

I move up and down slowly, not taking my eyes off his.

"Fuck yes. Like that," he breathes out.

I lower myself onto him fully, taking him deep inside and rotate my hips. Edward lowers his hands down and grabs my butt-cheeks. "Like this, baby," he rasps out, guiding me back and forth in a sharp, jerky motion.

I can't believe he just called me baby. I want to cry. I press my whole body against him harder, clutching onto the back his neck.

He slaps my ass lightly and lifts me up, leaving just the head of his cock inside me. He keeps me steady above him and thrusts his cock into me hard and fast repeatedly, making me come in less than a minute. I'm still not done riding it out when he lifts me off him completely, pushes me on my back, and spreads my legs, burying himself back inside me. My legs are pushed all the way up, my knees touching my shoulders as he takes me rough and fast.

Edward props himself up higher. "Fuck. I can't get deep enough. What the fuck are you doing to me, huh?"

He fucks and grinds. He clenches his teeth and curses. He pulls on my hair and kisses me deeply. He sucks on my nipples and moans and growls, making me come again and again. I don't want him to ever stop.

* * *

We're back inside the club, sitting in a booth with the rest of the gang. Edward sits with us for a while before he joins James at the bar counter.

Kate is here and I'm glad she is. I really want to talk to her.

"Are you all right?" I ask.

"I'm good," she says. She doesn't look good. She looks absent.

"You want to talk?" I ask.

"Why? So you can tell me how I need to stay away from shit I can't handle? I've heard that already, thanks."

"No, I didn't mean that. It's just… You look kind of unhappy. I just thought you might want to talk."

Kate shrugs. "We all have problems, don't we? Fuck the problems, Bella! Fuck talking about it! What I like about hanging with you guys is that we don't talk about it. We have fun. That's what we do."

She's right. That's what we do. We get away from shit in life because it feels so much better to just lose yourself to something, or someone, and forget about life.

We decide to head out for a smoke. Before we exit the club, I glance around the bar, trying to catch sight of Edward. I don't see him.

"At least no one gives me crap about smoking weed," Kate says, as we walk toward the alley where we usually smoke.

"Shhhh," I say, lifting my hand, signaling for her to stop. We're one corner away from the alley, and I hear voices.

"I just want to know what the hell you're doing. I thought you were working on your issues. That's what you told her, right?"

"That's none of your goddamn business," Edward says.

"She's my sister. That makes it my business. You could have at least been honest with her."

Edward snorts. "Is that why you wanted to fuck me last week? Because you care about her?"

Who is he talking to? I don't recognize her voice.

The girl huffs annoyingly. "I was drunk. Besides, it would've been just a one-time thing. What you're doing with this girl is more than that. I'm not fucking blind. I saw you leave my birthday party with her. Would you have done that if Irina was at home, huh?"

"Look, I'm really not in the mood for this shit. So just get off my dick and mind your own goddamn business," Edward says.

I stay frozen in my place as he rounds the corner and comes face to face with me. He narrows his eyes, scanning my expression carefully.

Tanya marches by, glaring at us. Tanya? I didn't even know she had a sister.

Kate stands there with a blunt between her fingers and her mouth open. "Hey, you want to smoke with us?" she asks Edward.

"Yeah," he says, not taking his eyes off me. "Are you all right? Is there a problem?" he asks me.

I shake my head quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"You look kind of stunned," he says.

I really want to ask him what that conversation was about, but I can't. I have no right to question him. It's none of my business —as much as I'd like it to be.

So I shrug and force a smile. "I don't know what you're talking about. Why would I be stunned?"

Edward chuckles and shakes his head, taking a step toward me. He sighs as Kate passes him the joint.

"Want a shotgun?" he asks me.

Huh?

Before I can answer, he pulls me into him and blows into my mouth. I cough a little, and he lets go of me, laughing.

"You're a puzzle," he says and runs his hand through my hair playfully, messing it up. "I don't fucking know what to make of you anymore."

* * *

_**I feel you  
Your heart it sings  
I feel you  
The joy it brings  
Where heaven waits  
Those golden gates  
And back again  
You take me to  
And lead me through oblivion**_

"I Feel You" - Depeche Mode_**  
**_

* * *

**End Note: **Thank you for taking your time to read my little story. Big thank you for your wonderful reviews. I don't know what to say... ILY all!

**Rec: There is a Light by belladonnacullen**


	7. Chapter 7 - Beautiful Lie

**Disclaimer: **Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:** I promised to post this today. **Beagil1976**, this one's for you. *winks*

**TwilighMom505 **and **Lulu M** are my betas, **TiramiSue84 **is my pre-reader.

**Music:** _Beautiful Lie - 30 Seconds To Mars, Demons - Imagine Dragons, Mirror - Lil Wayne ft. Bruno Mars_

You can find links to music videos on my profile page. I don't own any of them. (duh, lol…) They're just great inspiration.

* * *

**CHAPTER 7 - Beautiful Lie**

_**Don't want to let you down**_

_**But I am hell bound**_

_**Though this is all for you**_

_**Don't want to hide the truth**_

_**No matter what we breed**_

_**We still are made of greed**_

_**This is my kingdom come**_

_**This is my kingdom come**_

Demons – Imagine Dragons

* * *

"How are you feeling?" I ask, my voice a little shaky.

Charlie lies in bed looking pale and withered—a shadow of a man he was just months ago. His gaze is cold and unwelcoming, so I stand in my place awkwardly, not even contemplating giving him a hug.

"How do you think I feel?" he says indignantly, his voice dejected. He lifts his pajama top, exposing the sand-colored plastic bag attached to the lower part of his stomach.

I cringe inwardly. He's only forty years old, and he'll have to live with this for the rest of his life.

"What is that for?" Seth asks.

I space out, the blurry images from my childhood suddenly flooding my mind. _My dad carrying me around while I sit on his shoulders… A thrill of excitement running through me as I jump off the cliff and into his strong, waiting embrace… Charlie and I going fishing before the sunrise, bringing a bucket full of fish for lunch... Charlie taking me and my kindergarten friends on field trips_…

My eyes focus on my father, and I feel a sting of tears. He's looking at Seth with a small smile on his face.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," I blurt out.

The smile leaves Charlie's lips as his gaze falls on me, his expression an instant reminder that the man in front of me is no longer that man from my memories. The man from my memories used to give _me_ those smiles. This man's smiles are reserved for someone else.

"I… I'm sorry," I stutter. "I'm sorry I ignored your calls."

Charlie raises his brows and gives me a cold, questioning look.

"I… I was angry at you," I say.

"Why?" he asks, a frown overtaking his face, and I immediately regret opening my mouth. This is definitely not a good time to talk about this.

"It doesn't matter, Dad. I think you should just concentrate on getting better. That's the only thing that really matters now," I say.

He grimaces. "So now you're not angry?"

I shake my head. "No."

_Liar._

"I hope you can forgive me," I say, sniffling pathetically. God, why do I act like this?

Charlie just nods and goes back to his conversation with Seth while Leah looks at me with a slightly puzzled expression.

I feel horrible—frustrated and overwhelmed by the whole situation and my stupid, dishonest behavior. I can't stay here anymore, so I mumble some lame excuse, tell Charlie I hope he feels better soon and then slip out the door. I rush through the hallway and down the stairs like someone's chasing me, reaching the exit that leads into the parking lot.

I lean against Leah's truck, pressing my head into cold sheet metal. What is wrong with me? When did I turn into this weak, confused, pathetic person?

I close my eyes. The tears slowly push their way out and come streaming down my face. I'm too emotionally exhausted to fight them, so I just let myself wallow in self-pity.

The moment I open my eyes, I'm blinking in disbelief.

Edward is walking toward his car that is parked right in front of the hospital entrance. His slender figure peeks out beneath a long black coat I've never seen him wear. He's dressed smart, and his hair is combed. He doesn't look like himself at all. There's a guy in a suit next to him; they shake hands before the guy walks away. Edward has his phone against his ear and a smile on his face. He turns toward me.

Shit. What is he doing here?

I duck down fast. He can't see me, not like this. I dig inside my purse, looking for tissues. Mascara must be all over my face.

"Fuck," I curse under my breath.

_It's okay, Bella. Just breathe. He didn't see you. Even if he did, he probably left._

I wince at the sight of black dress shoes in front of me, feeling my stomach drop to my feet.

"Are you hiding from me?" Edward asks impishly.

My purse slips out of my hands, the contents spilling all over the concrete. Edward chuckles and squats down next to me. He freezes.

"Your face is a mess," he says.

"I know. I look like shit," I mumble through a half-sob-half-chuckle. Unable to look up, I watch his hands gather my stuff.

"I kind of like it," he says, placing my lipstick and a pack of Wint O Green lifesavers back into my purse. I blush, wondering if he realized that my mints are the same flavor as his favorite chewing gum and that I have them because they taste like his kisses.

Edward holds my mascara tube in one hand and brings his other to my cheek. My heart swells. I straighten my back and lean into the truck, looking everywhere except at him. His thumb glides over my cheekbone till it reaches the moist skin below my eye before dragging the line of black down over my lips.

""It's amazing how something that makes so many look fake, ends up bringing out the true emotion," he says in smooth, melodious voice.

"I don't even know what I feel right now," I choke out, shaking my head.

His hand moves to my hair, and he gently tucks it behind my ear. "It's okay to be confused," he says. "C'mon, let me drive you home."

I take a deep breath and nod before he takes my hand and leads me to his car.

"My mom died of cancer three years ago," Edward says as he turns on the ignition, making the engine roar into life.

My eyes snap to him. My mouth falls open. "I'm s—"

"Don't say you're sorry," he cuts me off sharply.

"But… "

"I'm not sorry," he spills emphatically and stomps down on the accelerator, peeling out of the parking lot.

Edward passes me a wet tissue, and we drive in silence for a while, which is good because it gives me some time and space to grasp on what just happened. Did Edward just make an attempt to open up and let me in? Or was he just trying to empathize with me?

"On a lighter note, I'm having a small celebration tonight. Can you come to my place around eight?" he asks, breaking my thoughts.

"What kind of a celebration?" I ask, wiping the last remnants of mascara his finger left on my cheeks.

"Oh, you don't know? I thought Rosalie would have spilt it by now," he says and sighs. "It's kind of a long story, and I'm running late." He checks his phone. "I have to meet someone in fifteen minutes."

I look at him, confused. I thought any reason for celebration could be put into few words, but then again, everything about Edward seems like it comes with a long, complicated story. My eyes roam over his unusual choice of attire, and I smile. "Well, you sure look like you have something to celebrate."

He grimaces. "I feel like a dork in this shit."

"You look really nice," I say.

We're in front of my house. Before he leaves, Edward gives me his phone number.

"Call me if you need a ride, all right?"

I nod, grinning like a fool, reeling in the moment that promptly turns a rotten day into a good one.

"Can I have yours?" he asks. "You know, in case I get lonely in the night or…" He pauses, his face spreading into a slow, up-to-no-good smile. "How do you feel about phone sex?" he cracks.

I blush before quickly reminding myself that the boy next to me recently had his cock up my ass, so being embarrassed by phone sex is kind of ludicrous.

I lick my lips and wiggle my brows. "Can't wait."

He smirks and attacks my mouth with fiery passion, his tongue parting my lips and pushing between my teeth. The moment his tongue finds mine triggers the familiar tingling sensation between my legs, and I gasp into his mouth.

Edward breaks the kiss too fast, leaving me all dizzy and needy. "You know what I can't wait for?" he asks in a hoarse, low voice. "I can't wait to feel you come on my tongue."

Oh sweet mother of... No. He did not just say that. I open my eyes and find myself caught in his droopy-eyed sultry gaze.

Edward wrinkles his brow, a small smile playing on his lips. "Your face is turning fucking crimson. Don't tell me no one has ever done that to you?"

Ugh. "I thought you said you have to go," I say, squirming in my seat, my hand looking for a door handle.

Edward throws his head back and laughs out loud.

"Wait, wait," he says as I open the door. "I just want to know one thing. Just tell me, have you ever been with anyone else besides Jacob Black?"

"Yes. You," I say before I give him a quick peck on the lips and leap out of the car.

* * *

As soon as I get home and step inside the kitchen, I wish I hadn't come home at all.

Renee looks hopping mad, waving a sheet of paper in front of my face. "What the hell is this, Bella?" she roars.

"What?" I ask, startled.

"I just got your report card from school. It came together with this," she says, taking another sheet from the kitchen table. "This one shows the number of classes you've missed since the beginning of the school year."

I gulp. I knew this was about to happen, but I didn't expect it today. I stand in front of my mother speechless, waiting for the wrath to come.

"What the hell is happening with you, Bella? You were top of the class, for God's sake. I stopped checking on you because I trusted you!" she yells exasperatedly.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I just…"

"You know what? I don't want to hear it, Bella. You fix this, and you better do it soon. Until then— you're grounded!" She crumples the letter into a ball and marches out of the kitchen.

Wow. That was fast. Thanks for the talk, Mom. No time wasted. Two thumbs up!

Does she seriously think she can keep me in the house?

Edward said to be there around eight. I have three hours. That's more than enough time to come up with a plan, get ready and decamp.

Two hours later, I'm calling Rosalie. She's at the local pizza place with Jasper and Alice. She says Jasper will pick me up in twenty minutes. I tell her to instruct him to park the car away from the house, walk to my backyard and wait under my bedroom window.

"Tell him to be careful. Renee is probably going to be in her bedroom, riding Phil's excuse for a dick or whatever—like she does every night, but you never know."

Rosalie snickers. "You've seen Phil's cock? Is it tiny?"

"Gross, Rosalie. Of course I didn't see his cock. Eww! I have to go. Just tell Jasper to be careful, okay?"

"Hey, Swan, are you doubting my inner ninja's stealth abilities," I hear Jasper in the background.

Ugh. "Rose, next time you put me on a speaker, would you please let me know?"

"Sorry," she says, giggling.

"Jasper, since you're listening—I'll throw you the key to the storage shed. Once you're in there, you'll find the ladder on your right."

"Got it," he says.

Half an hour later, we're in the car, heading toward Edward's house.

"You so owe me for this one, Swan! Jesus, you should have seen her. She almost broke her neck going down that ladder. If I wasn't there…"

"It's okay, Jasper. We get it. You've said it three times," Rosalie says.

"I still can't believe Cullen is throwing a party on a Tuesday. What's the occasion, again?" Alice asks.

Exactly what I wanted to know.

"You know how Edward is about to inherit a shitloads of money when he turns eighteen?" Rosalie starts. "Well, there were certain conditions he had to meet in order for that to happen, and his father had to agree with it. Apparently, today he's finally got Carlisle to sign the agreement. Don't ask for details—I have no idea what exactly went down," Rosalie says.

"How do you know about this? I thought Cullen doesn't talk about his shit," Jasper says.

"My mom told me." Rosalie shrugs and continues. "Anyway, Esme is on a business trip with my dad, and Carlisle works twenty-four-hour shift, so I'm not surprised he decided to have a party today."

So that's why Edward was at the hospital. He sure didn't just stop by to chit-chat with his dad.

First thing I notice when we reach Edward's place is a loads of cars parked in the driveway, around the house, and across the street.

"Small celebration, huh? Who are all these people?" I ask as we enter the house, my eyes darting around, looking for familiar faces. So far I only recognize Emmett.

"Edward's friends from Port Angeles," Jasper says as we follow Alice and Rose through the sea of people.

I never knew Edward had friends in Port Angeles. But then again, what do I really know about him? It's not like we ever hung with the same crowd before.

I see Leah standing with James and Tanya. The rest of the people look older, in their twenties, maybe even thirties.

"Do you know who that is?" I ask Rosalie as I spot the guy in a suit—the one I saw with Edward in front of the hospital.

"You mean this fuck-hot piece of ass in a blue suit? Yep, I know him," she says, smirking.

"Ugh, Rose, he's like twenty years older than you," I say.

"So?" She frowns. "He's hot, and he's a lawyer. His name is Marcus. He worked on a few cases for my dad's company. The Cullens are using his services as well, obviously."

My thoughts wander away from the lawyer guy when I spot Edward standing with a girl.

No. She's not a girl. She's a woman—attractive blue-eyed blonde with big boobs, a tiny waist and long, sleek legs that lead up to her shorter than short skirt. Yep, it's even shorter than mine. I wonder if that's Tanya's sister. She is looking at Edward with her bedroom eyes, licking her Botox full lips. I bet she gives really good blow jobs.

I need a drink.

"Beer, wine, champagne or scotch?" Emmett asks with a huge grin on his face.

I go for scotch. I need something strong. "Straight up," I say.

I down it quickly, in one big gulp. It tastes like dirt, but I love the burning sensation.

"Another one, please. Make it a double," I demand, handing Emmett the empty glass.

He reaches for the bottle once again, looking at me incredulously.

"Are you all right?" Rosalie asks.

I nod. "I need to ask you something, Rose."

"Shoot," she says.

"Do you know Tanya's sister?"

"You mean the one Edward dumped few months ago? Yep, I know her."

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" I ask, scoffing.

She shrugs. "You never asked. Why is that important, anyway? He's not with her anymore. They broke up months ago."

"Is she here?" I ask.

"No. She's in college somewhere."

"How long were they together?"

"I'm not sure. A year, maybe."

So he had a serious relationship I never knew about. I guess that's why I've never seen him with any of the girls from school.

"Jesus, this party sucks. Edward's friends look like a bunch of pimps and hoes," Alice remarks.

"Want me to take you home?" Jasper asks.

"Why? So you can fuck around? Not that I'm worried. These skunks look like they charge money, and you don't have any."

I roll my eyes and walk away from my friends. I need to pee and then maybe let Edward know I'm here.

I'm on my way through the living room when I feel someone's hand on my butt.

"Hi, sweetheart. What's your name?" a really sleazy looking guy asks into my ear. He smells like wine, and his hot breath feels disgusting. He gives me the creeps.

"Don't touch me," I say in a cool voice.

I spot Edward few feet away from me, sitting on a big round swivel chair. Surrounded by a group of people, he looks kind of absent, with a small frown on his face. I watch _Botox-lips_ lower herself onto his lap, placing her hands on each side of his face. The bitch looks like she's about to go for a kiss, and I want to smack her.

"Get off me, Charlotte," Edward says. Just as he pushes her off his lap, his eyes land on me. They're cloudy and bloodshot and kind of distant. I've never seen him look like this. He's either drunk as hell or really high on something.

"Playing hard to get, huh? That's fine by me. I love it!" the seedy guy says, his eyes traveling up and down my body.

"How much?" he asks.

What? I try to push past him, but he grabs my arm.

"Get your fucking hands off her, Felix!" Edward roars, and the guy lets go of me, lifting his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry, man. I think I've mistaken her for someone else," he says, grinning creepily.

I push him out of my way and strut toward the bathroom. Edward is behind me in a second.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"That… that mongrel thought I was a prostitute," I sputter.

"No shit," he mumbles.

I glare at him.

"Where are you going?" he asks again.

"To the bathroom."

"I'm sure the one down here is busy. Let me take you upstairs," he says.

"No need. It's your party. I don't want to keep you away from your friends," I say.

"Fuck the fucking party," he spits angrily, taking my hand. "Come."

I follow him to his room and rush into the bathroom. I can hear him cursing and talking to himself on the other side of the door. I hear a "fuck" and then a loud growl and something breaking—glass maybe—shattering into pieces.

I fling the door open and gasp in shock. "Edward!"

Edward's hair is a messy disarray, his eyes wide and glittering with fury, blazing over the shattered pieces of a mirror in front of him. His hand is cut open, blood running down his arm.

I grab the towel.

"Like it fucking matters. Like fucking money is going to change anything." He keeps talking to himself, indignantly.

"Edward," I call softly as I approach him.

His posture is stiff, muscles rigid, jaw clenched. I wince a little when he abruptly turns toward me. His eyes meets mine, and I watch the fury turn into pain, right before he squeezes his eyelids shut.

"Everything is just one big, fat lie. My so-called friends, my life, me. It's all an illusion. A fucking denial," he spills in a low voice. "You know, I fought for this shit with everything I had, like it was the only important thing in my life."

Is he talking about his inheritance?

"It's not," he says as he starts pacing the room in erratic strides, running his hand through his hair. "It's not because it doesn't change a damn thing."

"Edward, I…" I trail off. I don't really know what to say. I just want this to stop. I want to make him feel better, but I don't know how.

Finally, he stops pacing and turns toward me. "Jesus, I'm so fucked up. You have no idea how fucked up I am. If you knew, you'd never stand in the same room with me. You'd fucking run away screaming!"

"I'll never run away from you," I say quietly, shaking my head. I take a step toward him and reach for his wrist, trying to wrap the injured hand with the towel to stop the bleeding.

His eyes widen. "Well, that's just fucking stupid, because…"

"Please, do not call me stupid," I say.

"I did not call you stupid! Fuck!" He yanks his hand away from me. "What you said was stupid. You don't know a thing about me."

I swallow. "Then tell me."

"What, do you need me to draw a fucking picture? I made you choke on my dick, Bella. I told you you're good for nothing but a fuck. What else to do you need to know to realize what kind of guy I am?"

Okay. Now he's pissing me off. I narrow my eyes at him. "C'mon, say it again. Tell me I'm only good for a fuck," I challenge.

He stares at me, his mouth slightly open.

"You can't say it, right? That's because you didn't really mean it. Because how can you know what I'm good for if you don't even know me?"

Edward curses under his breath. "It doesn't even matter if I meant it. I wanted you to be angry with me, yell at me, slap me―tell me to fuck off!"

"So why didn't you just tell _me_ to fuck off then? Wouldn't that be easier?"

Edward sighs, exasperated. "You don't get it, do you? I couldn't! I can't! You're like a drug—a drug that's constantly served on silver fucking platter and pushed right up my nose."

_Ouch. _That stings like a bitch.

I swallow hard and nod slowly. "Okay. I get it," I say in a voice so shaky and pitiful, I want to slap myself. Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I grip on my elbows and take a step back. My eyes are tearing up, so I turn around quickly.

_Run for the door, Bella. Just fucking run away! _

I manage exactly three steps before I feel Edward's body ram into my back, his arms enveloping me fully, completely, squeezing hard. His breaths are rapid and heavy against the back of my head.

Why is he doing this to me?

I dig my nails into his forearms. "Just let me go," I plead.

He squeezes harder. "It's too late," he says, his unsteady voice nearly a whisper. "It's too fucking late because I'm already addicted."

Edward pulls me with him, walking backwards. He falls on the bed with me on top and rolls us onto our sides, curls his body around mine, and buries his face into my neck. The towel I wrapped around his hand is gone, and I can see the bright red of his blood smearing across my white tank top. It doesn't bother me.

I'm enveloped in Edward, and I let myself bask in his warmth because—despite everything that just happened—it's still the best thing I've felt in my life.

I lie silently, clutching onto his arms until I feel his breathing slow down and turn into soft snores. I allow myself to feel the sting of pain spreading inside my chest. I don't try to push it away, like I usually would. I embrace it—fully—because for the first time, the pain in my chest is not really mine. It's his. I hurt for him, not for me. There's something eating his insides, and I want to know what and why because I want to make it stop and go away.

* * *

I stand in my room watching Leah take the ladder away from my window.

She was the only one sober and willing to drive me home after I emerged from Edward's room and helped myself with a few more shots of scotch. I stayed with Edward for almost an hour—watched him sleep for a while and then took care of his hand, carefully cleaning his cuts and scrapes before I covered them with the bandage I found in one of his bathroom cabinets. I wanted to stay with him for the night, but we have damn school tomorrow, and I had to get home unless I wanted to show up at school dressed like a whore. Yep, after that guy asked me how much I charged, I kind of embraced the term.

I sigh deeply when loud knocking startles me, making me jump.

"Open the door, Bella! I can hear you moving in there," Renee yells.

Shit. I unlock the door and my mother stomps in with Phil in tow.

"Hey! What is he doing here?" I protest. Like it's not enough that I'm forced to endure his constant presence in the house, now he dares to invade my room too.

"She smells like alcohol," he spits with a disgusted grimace, like the smell of alcohol is not something he's used to.

"Get out of my room," I say coolly.

"You've been drinking? What? Where is it?" Renee demands.

I roll my eyes. I've been drinking almost every fucking day for the past few months, and now they notice.

"I've been out. I've had a couple of drinks. It's not the first time, and it's not a big deal." I really don't see the point in lying right now. Well, except I had a bit more than just a couple of drinks.

"What? You're sixteen, Bella! Who the fuck gave you alcohol?"

I snort. "Seriously, Mom, what planet are you living on? You have to be fucking stupid to think…" _Oops. Shut up, stupid, drunken mouth._

_Smack._

My cheek burns. Did Phil just slap me, again? This shit is getting old. I laugh and give him the finger because I want him to know that it doesn't hurt and I don't give a shit. He attempts another swat, but I duck down, and Renee grabs his arm. She glares at me.

"Let her be, Phil. I'll deal with this tomorrow."

Phil yanks his arm out of Renee's hold and points his finger at me. Another fucking déjà vu.

"Do. Not. And I repeat, _do not_ ever talk to your mother like this again," he says.

I fucking hate him. Why didn't I just stay with Edward?

* * *

_**Your eyes, they shine so bright**_

_**I want to save their light**_

_**I can't escape this now**_

_**Unless you show me how**_

_**When you feel my heat**_

_**Look into my eyes**_

_**It's where my demons hide**_

_**It's where my demons hide**_

_**Don't get too close**_

_**It's dark inside**_

_**It's where my demons hide**_

_**It's where my demons hide**_

Demons – Imagine Dragons

* * *

**End note: **Hope you guys liked it. Thank you for reading. Your reviews make me all giddy and silly.


	8. Chapter 8 - Wrong

**Disclaimer: **Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

**A/N:**All mistakes are mine. **TwilighMom505 **and **Lulu M** are my amazing betas. **TiramiSue84** is the best pre-reader and the sweetest person. LYG!

**Music:** _Wrong _– Depeche Mode, _Follow_ - Breaking Benjamin, _Shadows_ – Red, _Revenge_ - Minecraft Creeper song

* * *

CHAPTER 8 - Wrong

_**There's something wrong with me chemically**_

_**Something wrong with me inherently**_

_**The wrong mix in the wrong genes**_

_**I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means**_

"Wrong" – Depeche Mode

* * *

We're standing in front of the school entrance, waiting for class to start. Alice and Kate are smoking, and the smell makes me feel nauseous.

"You look like shit!" Alice exclaims.

As if I don't know that. I slept for two hours. Not even. My eyes are puffy, and my hangover is killing me.

"Thanks, you look pretty stunning yourself," I say looking up at the sky. The sun is completely obscured by thick opaque clouds, and Alice looks ridiculous wearing her sunglasses.

"Where's Rose?" Kate asks.

"Last time I saw her, she was sucking face with Emmett at Cullen's party. That was around two in the morning," Alice says.

As if on cue, Rosalie shows up looking all gleeful and cheery. Her eyes are shining bright, her face glowing flawless. How do you look like that early in the morning after a crazy bout of late-night boozing?

"So, how was the party? Did I miss anything?" Kate asks, blowing the smoke in my face. I grimace as I step back, moving away from her.

"You totally missed the opportunity to mingle with the in-crowd. Crème de la crème, my friend," Alice says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I think Edward invited every scum that breaths and crawls the streets of Port Angeles."

"Exaggerating much?" Rosalie antagonizes, rolling her eyes. "He invited some people, and they brought friends. There were a few shady guys there, but most of them were okay."

"Whatever. Here comes your prince charming," Alice says, her chin pointed at Edward's usual parking spot.

I watch him get out of the car, slam the door, and stride toward us. His gaze is fixed at the school entrance, his expression cold, stolid indifference.

"We need to talk. Meet me during lunch next to the gym," he says in a cool voice as he passes by us. He doesn't even cast a glance at me, and I stare at his retreating back as he continues his way inside the school.

This doesn't look good. I don't like it one bit.

"What's happening with you and Edward?" Kate asks as we hit the hallway, walking toward math class.

I shrug. "I have no idea. Seems like the more time I spend with him, the less I know him."

"Talk to Rose. She knows stuff about him," Kate suggests.

She's right. I should definitely get Rosalie to spill more about him. I'll try to talk to her today after school.

Lunch time comes quickly, and an uneasy feeling makes my stomach churn as I walk out into the drizzle. I slither between two adjoining buildings to find the spot where Edward waits for me.

He stands with his back against the brick wall of the gym building. His hands are in his pockets, his gaze cast down where he lazily digs his shoe into the gravel, kicking up the dirt.

"Hi," I say, forcing a small smile.

He nods, looking all nonchalant and composed, but when his eyes flick toward me, I catch a glimpse of that familiar troubled look, and now I'm positive this won't be good.

"I want to thank you for taking care of my hand yesterday. You didn't need to do that," he says.

"It wasn't such a big deal," I respond, wrapping my arms around my torso. The wind is picking up, and the persistent drizzle of rain is dampening my shirt, making me shiver. I shift my weight from one foot to the other, feeling a strong urge to flee from here.

Edward takes off his jacket and approaches me. He drapes it over my shoulders before taking a step back, leaving me no other choice but to stare at his chest. He wears a short-sleeved gray shirt that fits him perfectly, and my mind is instantly flooded by images of my fingers brushing over his abs, while he hovers over me, all sweaty and breathless.

"I also wanted to say, I'm sorry," he says.

"What for?" I ask.

"Well, pretty much everything, but mostly…" he pauses, looking like he's wrestling with the decision whether to say something or not. "I shouldn't have stopped you when you wanted to leave," he finally says.

"I'm glad you did," I say, swallowing quietly. Why do I feel like all the air is about to be knocked out of my lungs?

Edward scoffs and grimaces. "Look, Bella, you and I… it's a disaster in the making. We just can't be." He doesn't even look at me as he speaks.

I won't accept it. I can't. I know he wants me. I know he has feelings for me.

"You… you said it's too late. I…" I sputter before he cuts me off.

"I was drunk when I said that. It's not too late—not for you. You don't want me in your life, trust me. You don't need my shit."

Bull. Shit. "Edward… if you don't want anything to do with me, say it—I'll understand. Just please don't tell me what _I_ need or want." Suddenly I'm pissed and torn between screaming murder at him and wanting to cry.

Edward hesitates before he shakes his head and licks his lips. "Tell me, Bella, aside from a good fuck, what do you think you can get from me? What do you see in me?" His blue-green stares straight through me, and I feel a hundred layers of frustration come together inside me, nagging, pushing, and making me want to explode right in his pretty face.

"Yesterday afternoon when you drove me home from the hospital—" I start, keeping my cool, but he cuts me off again.

"I can't be your boyfriend."

"I didn't ask you to be," I respond in disbelief.

"Than what do you want? Just some more fucking?"

"I don't know, Edward. Why don't you tell me what you want? Why did you call me here? Why even bother talking to me? It's not like you owe me an explanation or anything. You could just keep ignoring me like you do most of the time." I fling back.

Edward stays silent for a while, looking down at his feet, before he takes a deep breath.

"At first I thought it'd be a one-time thing. I thought you were just a…" He pauses. _Slut _is the word that comes to mind, and I wonder what's stopping him from saying it out loud. "That you were just another girl putting herself out there, experimenting with sex, drugs, and shit. I thought we'd just fuck and move on but no. I kept coming back for more because you make me become a hormonal moron whose brain turns into a dick every time you're within a hundred-foot radius. I just want to fuck you all the time. That's all I want, and that's all I can give, and you deserve better than that, Bella. Good girls don't need guys like me, and no matter how hard you try to make yourself look bad, you still _are_ a good girl. You just need to find a better way to deal with your daddy issues."

_Ouch._

"So, I am just some girl with daddy issues, huh? I am that simple to you. Are you trying to say I'm not bad enough for you?"

He sighs heavily in frustration, looking up at the sky. "Stop looking at this like _you_ are the problem."

"Okay, I get it. _You_ are the problem. You act like you know me, but you don't know a thing about me. So let's cut this short. What do you want to do now? You want to be friends? Or I am not even bad ass enough to be your friend? " I ask.

"I am a bad choice for you, Bella, and yes, even as a friend," he says.

This is ridiculous. I don't get it. Why does he hate himself so much?

"Why do you think you're such a bad person? You're involved in some shit with those guys from Port Angeles. Is that it?"

"No."

"You won't tell me why?"

"No."

"So now what? We part our ways and never say hi to each other again. Is that what you want?" I ask.

"That's definitely not what I want, but it's the best thing to do," he says, looking everywhere but at me.

This is such a piece of crap.

"You know, I'm so sick of this shit—people showing their good side but then choosing to embrace the bad one! So sick of people choosing to be assholes," I spit bitterly as I take off his jacket. "Just so you know, I call bullshit on this, Edward! But if that's your choice, then that's fine. Good luck sticking with it!" I throw his jacket at him and strut away, feeling my heart sink to my feet.

_I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. _

I'm just going to die.

"You don't understand—"

I stop and turn around abruptly. Edward is leaning back against the wall, looking all pained, pissed, and conflicted. His face is pale, his eyes squeezed shut. He's clenching his fists, and his knuckles are white, and if I didn't know better, I'd think he was scared of something.

"I am not making this choice," he says in a low voice as he opens his eyes and looks at me. "I'm not rejecting you either, Bella. I told you what's best for you, but the choice is yours. You decide. Just take a day or two and think hard about everything I said."

I shake my head. "I have nothing to think about."

"Yes, you do. If you decide to stick with whatever this is," he says, waving his hand between us. "You'll be setting yourself up for disappointment. I'll never be a good little boyfriend. I'll never be good for you. Don't think for a second that you can change me or make me better. No one can. Ever."

I sigh in a relief because a moment ago I thought he was completely done with me. Now we're back at square one, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I can keep pretending I only want him for sex. Yep, I can play this game for as long as necessary.

"It's not like I was planning on being a good little girlfriend either. I've been there and didn't like it that much so no need to worry. No one's trying to change you. It's just fucking."

Edward pushes himself away from the brick wall and approaches me. "Liar," he whispers. "Like I said, take a day or two and think about this. If you're smart, you'll back off before it's too late."

* * *

I text Rosalie during biology to let her know I need to talk to her about Edward.

_What do you want to know? _

_Everything._

We meet on the bleachers at the end of the school day. As we take a seat, Rosalie squints, yanking on a strand of her hair—a clear sign that she's nervous, which is really strange. I think she knows something she isn't comfortable sharing and that makes me even more anxious and determined to make her talk.

"I need to know more about him, Rose. Why does he hate himself so much?" I ask.

She looks at me, her brows furrowed. "No idea. One thing I do know is that he recently went to therapy."

"What kind of a therapy?"

"Anger management. He was seeing a shrink in Port Angeles. Esme said Carlisle made him do it. It was one of the conditions for getting a hold of his mother's inheritance."

"Did you know his mother?" I ask.

"No. His parents divorced long before she died. I remember how Esme used to call her a horrid poisonous bitch," Rosalie says, her face turning into a weird grimace. Why does she look like she totally agrees with Esme? How can you be disgusted with someone you've never even seen?

"What else do you know? Tell me about his father and more about the relationship with his ex-girlfriend. How about his friends from Port Angeles?"

"Jesus, Bella, you're being creepy—you know that, right?"

"I'm sorry. I just need to know. Edward has feelings for me, Rose—I know he does. He kind of admitted it yesterday, but he thinks he's bad for me, and he won't tell me why."

Rosalie smirks. "I so knew you'd be more than just a fuck to him."

"Just tell me, Rose. Tell me if you know anything else," I press.

"I don't know that much about him, Bella. I know he has changed a lot since he broke up with Irina. Okay, he was always a nut-head, getting into fights and shit, but Esme said since he broke up with her, he became extremely hostile toward Carlisle, and he's almost never at home. As for his friends from Port Angeles, I don't know much about that either. He has met some of them while going there for therapy, I think."

I sigh. She's not giving me much to go with, and I can't get rid of the feeling that she's hiding something.

"There's one more thing I can tell you. But you really need to keep your mouth shut about this one. I mean if you tell him I told you this…"

"Hey, of course I won't tell," I chirp excitedly.

She clears her throat before lowering her voice. "A few days ago, when we had dinner at Cullen's house, I accidentally saw something. Well, not really accidentally, but… ugh, fuck it—I was being a nosy bitch, okay? "

If I wasn't so desperately eager to hear what she's about to say, I'd probably laugh. Instead, I raise my eyebrows and tap my foot, dying in anticipation.

"So, I found an interesting video—"

Oh, no.

"With Banner eating Leah's pussy in his car."

My jaw drops, literally.

"Hey, Bella! Mrs. Cope was looking for you," someone shouts, making me wince.

I turn around to see Erik Yorkie and Tyler Crowley heading toward us.

Shit. It's Wednesday. I was supposed to meet with the school counselor. I quickly dig my phone out of my pocket and check the time. Great, I'm about half-hour late.

"You have some pot?" Tyler asks Rosalie.

I jump. "I have to go."

* * *

"Bella, are you all right? You're burning up," my mother's voice wakes me up from a deep slumber. Her hand lies against my forehead, and I stare at her in a daze.

"Mom, what are you doing here," I mumble, trying to figure out what time it is. I vaguely remember coming back from school with a bad headache and collapsing into bed, feeling cold and weak.

"You have a fever," Renee says. "I'll bring you some Advil. How about you get up, take a shower and change into your pajamas?"

I nod, dragging myself out of bed. At least Renee is not mad at me, and I won't have to talk to her because if we start talking about yesterday—about Phil, specifically—the shit is going to hit the fan.

"You better e-mail the school and excuse yourself from class, so they won't think you're ditching again," she says as she comes back and hands me a pill with a glass of water.

"I'll be fine by tomorrow. I'll go to school," I say.

"Bella, it's five in the morning. School starts in few hours. I'm going back to bed," Renee says, yawning.

What? Five in a morning? That means I've been down for about twelve hours.

"Who's Edward, by the way?" Renee asks on her way out.

"What?"

"You called his name in your sleep."

Ugh. "He's just a friend," I say, digging my face into the pillow.

I stay at home for the remaining two days of the school week with a stuffy nose, sour throat and annoying headache. Renee checks on me occasionally and fuels me with tea, honey, and medicine, conveniently avoiding any mention of our recent issues.

I think about Edward a lot. His words go through my head over and over, as well as Rosalie's, but I know there's nothing to decide on. I won't give up on us. No. Not us. I won't give up on him, no matter what.

Leah calls me on Saturday morning, saying Sue is away for the weekend. She suggests I spend some time with her and Seth at La Push before Charlie gets home from the hospital. I actually think that's a good idea. It's about time I get over my stupid inferiority complex and finally accept the fact that Seth and Leah don't deserve to be on my shit list because of my father's choices.

Renee lets me go, saying she'll give me the weekends, but I'm still grounded on school nights. She also makes me promise I won't drink alcohol.

The weekend at La Push is full of surprises. I learn that Leah has become a pretty good cook, and apart from heading to college next year, she wants to become a tattoo artist. Who would have thought? She makes a kick ass French onion soup and Fettuccini Alfredo that makes you want to lick your plate and has a fancy tattoo kit with a whole bunch of learning technique books and CDs.

Seth introduces me to his enormous collection of Moshi Monsters and makes me play Minecraft and listen to _Revenge Creeper_—a parody of Usher's song—on a repeat for more than two hours. By the end of the day, my head is buzzing.

_Cause baby tonight _

_You grab your pick, shovel and bolt again_

_And run, run until it's done, done… _

Leah drives me home Sunday afternoon, and that's when I decide to ask about Edward. I don't know how to start, so I just blurt out, "I know about the video."

Leah's eyes dart from the road to my face before she grimaces. "I knew you'd find out sooner or later."

"What's your deal with Edward? Please, tell me," I ask hopefully.

She sighs. "I'll tell you. I don't think he'd mind, now that you know about the video. It's pretty simple, really. Edward needed something on Banner, and I needed a free tattoo apprenticeship and to get away from La Push boys. Edward kept Sam, Paul, and Jake at bay when they started acting like asses. He also knows this guy that owns this tattoo shop in Port Angeles. So I guess we kind of helped each other."

"So you lured Banner in and let Edward record the two of you fucking?" I ask in disbelief.

"Not exactly. Look, I'm not quite ready to talk about the details, all right? I'm still kind of recovering from that shit."

I scoff, shaking my head. "He really is an asshole."

"Who?" Leah asks.

"Edward! How could he ask you to do that?"

Leah chuckles. "Edward didn't ask me to fuck Banner. I did that all by myself."

"Still, he filmed it," I insist.

"He did not. Jasper did."

Oh. I stare at her in disbelief, before covering my face with my hands. "Seriously, Leah? I mean, Banner! Fucking gross!"

She shrugs. "Different strokes for different folks. I kind of liked him. That was before I knew he was married though."

Jesus. Is there any living male human being in Forks that she didn't fuck? There is. Edward. Thank God.

"Do you have any idea why they needed something on Banner?" I ask.

"Edward needed it. Jasper was just helping. They never told me why, but I assume it had something to do with Edward's inheritance."

"Why do you think that?"

She shrugs. "Kind of figured it out at Edward's party. He hugged me like a million times, saying thank you, and we all know why he threw that party. I'm sure he wasn't thanking me for just being there drinking his booze."

* * *

Monday at school, I receive a text message right before the end of first period. It's from Edward.

_Where are you?_

I stare at the words, still not believing they're coming from him, before I shakily type in: _Math _

Class finishes, and I quickly get out to find Edward standing in front of the classroom. The sight of him makes my hand involuntary move toward my chest. It's not that I'm surprised to see him standing there, staring at me intensely. I am astounded by the realization of how much I actually missed seeing him. It's been four days.

Edward's gaze flickers from my face to the hand against my chest, and I watch his Adam's apple move convulsively up and down.

"Hey," I say, my heart bumping crazy under the palm of my hand.

"Hey," he says, taking a step toward me.

Why is it that my stomach flutters when he opens his mouth? I stand in place, awkwardly fumbling with my text book.

"So," he clears his throat. "Did you think about what I said?"

"I never said I needed to think," I mumble as I start walking to my locker. Edward walks closely behind me.

"Like I said, I just wanted to help you make the right choice," he says in a strained voice.

"My choice was made the first time I let you touch me," I say, in almost-whisper as we reach my locker. He stands so close behind me; I can feel the lapel of his jacket brushing against my back.

I toss my books inside and slam the door shut when he suddenly presses his body flush to mine, pinning me against the cold metal. He's hard against my back, his body radiating more energy than a fucking supernova, turning my breathing into a series of gasps.

"Then where have you been for the past four days?" he asks, his voice raspy and a little desperate.

I close my eyes and let my head fall back against his chest. Edward's hand rests against the lower part of my stomach, gripping onto the waist band of my jeans.

"Tell me to go away," he breaths heavily into my ear. "Tell me, now!"

I shake my head. "No."

He lets go of me and presses his palms against the locker, pushing himself away before he grabs my hand and pulls me toward the exit.

"Your next class is biology?" he asks.

I am completely stripped out of the ability to find my voice, so I nod as I follow him, vaguely noticing people standing around the hall, watching us.

Edward leads me across the parking lot and into the forest.

"The good thing is, you're free for the next hour because Banner is sick, and there's no replacement," he says. "The bad thing is you've made your choice—the choice that lets me do this to you."

Next thing I know, Edward is pressing me against the tree, kissing me like his life depends on it. It's rough and raw and desperate, and I kiss him back with all I have, pushing my hips into his until he spins me around, and I can feel him behind me, hard and ready. I pant heavily, wanting, needing, waiting as he unbuttons my jeans and quickly pulls them down along with my underwear. Before I have time to blink, he surges forward, pushing the head of his dick inside me.

"God… heaven… fuck," Edward mumbles in a torrid voice as he advances a little deeper. I hum under my breath and arch my back, squeezing my muscles around him. He hisses and grabs my hips as I hug the tree before me, biting into my upper arm. He's only half way in, and I need him all the way.

Edward lets out a deep, rough breath before he shoves himself in a bit more. I clench around him, hard.

"Fuck. I need you to relax for me. Stop squeezing," he groans.

I let out a muffled cry as I finally relax my muscles, opening up to him completely.

"Yeeessss," he half-hisses, half-moans as he finally slides all the way in, and it's like something in me settles in place, and I know without any doubt that this is right. It just is.

Edward pulls out of me and then thrusts back in again and again, picking up speed, setting a hard rhythm. The throaty, guttural sounds that leave his mouth with every thrust are driving me insane. He feels our wild connection as much as I do and that makes my pleasure a million times more intense. I can't get enough, give enough, feel enough. I straighten my shaky legs and lift my ass higher, taking him in greedily.

"Yes! Fuck me. Fuck, fuck, fuck me," I chant under my breath, through clenched teeth.

Edward pulls out and spins me around. He grabs onto my ass and lifts me all the way up over his shoulder. He keeps me there with one arm, using the other to pull my jeans and undies from around my ankles, throwing them onto the ground. He lets me slide down against his torso, and I wrap my legs around his waist and hold onto the back of his neck while he lowers me onto his cock.

He holds me by thighs, his eyes cast down, watching the action. I can't help but look where he looks. The sight of his slick, swollen flesh sliding in and out of my pussy makes my eyes roll into the back of my head. Edward keeps fucking me in a steady rhythm before he thrusts as deep as he can go and presses his forearm hard against my lower back, keeping himself buried deep inside me. His eyes find mine as I wriggle my hips in small circles, making my clit grind against him. That's it. I am fucking done.

He's watching my face as I start falling apart. "Fuck, yes!" He moves us forward, presses my back into the tree, and speeds up his thrusts. "Feel it. Feel my cock hitting your insides… keep coming… all over me, baby... all over my fucking cock!" And I'm screaming—Literally. If there's anyone anywhere close to these woods, they'll think someone is being murdered.

"Come inside me," I cry in frenzy, my pussy muscles gripping him tight. I bite his earlobe, feeling him shake against me.

"Holy fuck," he exclaims between heavy breaths as he explodes within me, and I kiss him hard.

"This is insane," he says as we both come down.

"What?" I ask, breathlessly.

"Our sex is fucking insane!" He chuckles and kisses me deeply. "Come over to my place tonight," he suggests as he pulls his lips from mine and sets my feet on the ground.

"I don't know if I can. I'm kind of grounded," I say as I proceed to grab my clothes. I dress quickly, my heart still hammering wildly against my chest.

"Why?"

"I suck at school lately," I say. Ugh, this is embarrassing.

Edward frowns. "Do you need help with studying?" he asks.

I gape at him before I shake my head. "No. It's not that I don't understand things. I just have trouble concentrating lately."

"Okay. We should head back to school," he says and slaps my butt lightly. "My invitation stands for whenever you're ungrounded, by the way," he adds with a small smirk as we make our way out of the woods.

"Good. If I ever feel like fucking, I'll definitely stop by your place or give you a call," I say boldly.

Edward looks at me and shakes his head. "That just sounded like a total pile of horseshit coming out of your mouth."

"Well, you gave me a choice to fuck you or leave you. I've chosen to fuck you," I say.

"Wrong," he says, grinning wickedly. "You've chosen to be fucked."

Oh well. I'm not going to complain.

"A word of advice," Edward says as we hit the school parking lot. "You want to be a bad girl—that's cool. Just do it with style. Don't let it affect your grades."

"Thanks, Dad," I say, rolling my eyes.

Edward grimaces. "If I was your dad, I'd be busy chasing motherfuckers like me with a gun." He reaches for my hair and tucks it behind my ear but then messes it up playfully before he makes his way toward his car.

Is he ditching class? And he tells _me_ to be serious about school. Not that he's wrong. I do have to get my shit together. I know that very well, and I will. Step by step.

This Friday, I'll have a chance to fix my biology grade, and I fully intend to carry that off.

* * *

_**I'm losing sight**_

_**Don't count on me**_

_**I chase the sun**_

_**It chases me**_

_**You know my name**_

_**You know my face**_

_**You'd know my heart**_

_**If you knew my place**_

_**I'll walk straight down**_

_**As far as I can go!**_

_**I'll follow you if you follow me**_

"Follow" – Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**End note: **Thank you for reading. I love all your reviews. Yes, even the bad ones that usually come from guests.


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